Read The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 for Free Online
Authors: Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb
Theproblem,however,is
thatmostkidswon’tleaveitthere;theywillpresstheissuefurtherby
adding,inawhinyvoice,“Yeah,butIwantone.”
Whatareyougoingtodonow?You’realittleaggravatedandyou’ve
alreadygiventhenecessaryexplanation.Shouldyourepeatyourself?Try
toelaborateonyouranswer?Ignorethechild?
Let’splaythissituationoutinthreescenes.InSceneI,we’llhave
starringforusamotherwhobelievesthatkidsarelittleadults.Wordsand
reasonswillworkeverythingoutandchangethechild’sbehavior.We’ll
see what happens with that approach.
InSceneII,ourmotherwillbegettingsmarter.Shewillbestarting
tousethe1-2-3,butthechildwon’tbeusedtoityet.
InSceneIII,themotherwillstillbeusingthe1-2-3,andherdaughter
willhavegrownmoreaccustomedtoit.
Scene I—Starring the Mother Who Believes
Kids Are Little Adults:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“’Causewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“Ijusttoldyouyoucouldn’thaveone.”
“Younevergivemeanything.”
“WhatdoyoumeanInevergiveyouanything?Doyouhave
clotheson?Istherearoofoveryourhead?AmIfeeding
youintwoseconds?!”
“YougaveJoeyoneahalf-hourago.”
“Listen,areyouyourbrother?Andbesides, he eats his
dinner.”
“IpromiseI’lleatmydinner.”
“Don’tgivemethispromise,promise,promisestuff,Monica!
32 1-2-3 MAGIC
Yesterday—4:30intheafternoon—youhadhalfapeanut
but erandjel ysandwichandyoudidn’teatanythingatdinner!”
“THENI’MGOINGTOKILLMYSELFANDTHEN
RUNAWAYFROMHOME!!”
“WELL,BEMYGUEST.I’MSICKOFTHIS!!”
You can see where trying to talk at the wrongtimecangetyou.
ThougheverythingMomsaidwastrue,hertalkingmadethingsworse.
Inthenextscene,Momisgettingsmarterandstartingtousethe
1-2-3,butit’snewandthechildisstillgettingusedtoit.
Scene II—Starring the Mother Beginning the 1-2-3:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“Becausewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“That’s1.”
“Younevergivemeanything!”
“That’s2.”
“THENI’MGOINGTOKILLMYSELFANDTHEN
RUNAWAYFROMHOME!!”
“That’s3,take5.”
Momdidmuchbetter.Thetemporarilyunhappychilddisappears
forarestperiodandtheepisodeisover.
How’sitgoingtogowhenthechildismoreusedtocountingand
realizesthattestingandmanipulationareuseless?
Scene III—The 1-2-3 After a Few Days:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“Becausewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“That’s1.”
(Pause)“Oh,allright.”(Grumpyexitfromkitchen)
COUNTING OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR 33
GoodworkbyMomagain.Shedoesn’thavetocountthegrumpy
“Oh,allright”becausethecommentisnotsobadandthechildisleaving
thesceneofthecrime.Ifthechildhadsaid,“Oh,allright,youstupid
jerk!”therewouldbeanautomatic3andthegirlwouldbeofftoherroom
foralongertimeout.
Isignoringthechild’sbadgeringanoption?Perhaps,if(1)thechild
quicklygetsthemessageanddropstheissueandif(2)theparentcanstand
it.Butingeneral—andespeciallyinthebeginning—countingisbest.
The Benefits of Counting
Therearealotofbenefitstousingthe1-2-3tomanagedifficultchildhood
behavior.Herearejustafewofthem.
Energy savings!
The1-2-3willsaveyoualotofbreath—andalotofaggravation.Parents
andteacherssaycountingmakesdisciplineawholelotlessexhausting.
Giveoneexplanation,ifabsolutelynecessary,andthenyoucount.There
isnoextratalkingandnoextraemotion.Youstaycalmerandyoufeel
better—aboutyourchildandyourself—when
yougetagoodresponseat1or2.
Quik Tip…
Whenisanexplanationormoretalking
One explanation— absolutelynecessary?Inthoseinstanceswhen
if absolutely
necessary—and
theprobleminvolvedissomethingthatthechild
then you count.
doesnotalreadyunderstand,whenwhathedid
You’ll save a lot of breath
issomethingthatisunusualorfairlyserious,or
and a lot of aggravation.
whenyoureallyneedmoreinformationfrom
And when you stay calmer,
you feel better—about
himaboutwhathappened.
your child and
thatmostkidswon’tleaveitthere;theywillpresstheissuefurtherby
adding,inawhinyvoice,“Yeah,butIwantone.”
Whatareyougoingtodonow?You’realittleaggravatedandyou’ve
alreadygiventhenecessaryexplanation.Shouldyourepeatyourself?Try
toelaborateonyouranswer?Ignorethechild?
Let’splaythissituationoutinthreescenes.InSceneI,we’llhave
starringforusamotherwhobelievesthatkidsarelittleadults.Wordsand
reasonswillworkeverythingoutandchangethechild’sbehavior.We’ll
see what happens with that approach.
InSceneII,ourmotherwillbegettingsmarter.Shewillbestarting
tousethe1-2-3,butthechildwon’tbeusedtoityet.
InSceneIII,themotherwillstillbeusingthe1-2-3,andherdaughter
willhavegrownmoreaccustomedtoit.
Scene I—Starring the Mother Who Believes
Kids Are Little Adults:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“’Causewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“Ijusttoldyouyoucouldn’thaveone.”
“Younevergivemeanything.”
“WhatdoyoumeanInevergiveyouanything?Doyouhave
clotheson?Istherearoofoveryourhead?AmIfeeding
youintwoseconds?!”
“YougaveJoeyoneahalf-hourago.”
“Listen,areyouyourbrother?Andbesides, he eats his
dinner.”
“IpromiseI’lleatmydinner.”
“Don’tgivemethispromise,promise,promisestuff,Monica!
32 1-2-3 MAGIC
Yesterday—4:30intheafternoon—youhadhalfapeanut
but erandjel ysandwichandyoudidn’teatanythingatdinner!”
“THENI’MGOINGTOKILLMYSELFANDTHEN
RUNAWAYFROMHOME!!”
“WELL,BEMYGUEST.I’MSICKOFTHIS!!”
You can see where trying to talk at the wrongtimecangetyou.
ThougheverythingMomsaidwastrue,hertalkingmadethingsworse.
Inthenextscene,Momisgettingsmarterandstartingtousethe
1-2-3,butit’snewandthechildisstillgettingusedtoit.
Scene II—Starring the Mother Beginning the 1-2-3:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“Becausewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“That’s1.”
“Younevergivemeanything!”
“That’s2.”
“THENI’MGOINGTOKILLMYSELFANDTHEN
RUNAWAYFROMHOME!!”
“That’s3,take5.”
Momdidmuchbetter.Thetemporarilyunhappychilddisappears
forarestperiodandtheepisodeisover.
How’sitgoingtogowhenthechildismoreusedtocountingand
realizesthattestingandmanipulationareuseless?
Scene III—The 1-2-3 After a Few Days:
“CanIhaveaTwinkie?”
“No,dear.”
“Whynot?”
“Becausewe’reeatingatsixo’clock.”
“Yeah,butIwantone.”
“That’s1.”
(Pause)“Oh,allright.”(Grumpyexitfromkitchen)
COUNTING OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR 33
GoodworkbyMomagain.Shedoesn’thavetocountthegrumpy
“Oh,allright”becausethecommentisnotsobadandthechildisleaving
thesceneofthecrime.Ifthechildhadsaid,“Oh,allright,youstupid
jerk!”therewouldbeanautomatic3andthegirlwouldbeofftoherroom
foralongertimeout.
Isignoringthechild’sbadgeringanoption?Perhaps,if(1)thechild
quicklygetsthemessageanddropstheissueandif(2)theparentcanstand
it.Butingeneral—andespeciallyinthebeginning—countingisbest.
The Benefits of Counting
Therearealotofbenefitstousingthe1-2-3tomanagedifficultchildhood
behavior.Herearejustafewofthem.
Energy savings!
The1-2-3willsaveyoualotofbreath—andalotofaggravation.Parents
andteacherssaycountingmakesdisciplineawholelotlessexhausting.
Giveoneexplanation,ifabsolutelynecessary,andthenyoucount.There
isnoextratalkingandnoextraemotion.Youstaycalmerandyoufeel
better—aboutyourchildandyourself—when
yougetagoodresponseat1or2.
Quik Tip…
Whenisanexplanationormoretalking
One explanation— absolutelynecessary?Inthoseinstanceswhen
if absolutely
necessary—and
theprobleminvolvedissomethingthatthechild
then you count.
doesnotalreadyunderstand,whenwhathedid
You’ll save a lot of breath
issomethingthatisunusualorfairlyserious,or
and a lot of aggravation.
whenyoureallyneedmoreinformationfrom
And when you stay calmer,
you feel better—about
himaboutwhathappened.
your child and