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trying to keep himself distracted from how shitty he feels being dumped. It brings back a lot of memories about Daniella leaving him for more money and he tries to remedy that by working more. Plus with all the breaks he’s been taking to drive by Lila’s old house, he’s had to make the time spent on the site really count.
    He pulls his tool belt and hard hat out of the truck and slams the door, walking back into the building structure where Cole is already hard at work.
    “She home?” Cole asks, hoping that Odin would find some peace of mind once Lila made it back. Odin can say he isn’t hurting, but his brother Cole knows better.
    “Yea,” Odin barely stops to answer, picking up a load of wood and hauling it across the room.
    “Well, is she okay?” Cole shouts over the noise of construction at Odin’s back. Odin doesn’t answer.
    Cole spits at the ground. Odin needs to get it together.  They have a lot of shit the club is dealing with. Rival heat has been getting a little overheated this past month. Odin needs a clear head, but all this Lila bullshit has him turning into an insomniac alcoholic.
     
     
    ***
    The next two weeks inch by slowly. It’s pretty miserable, other than a few texts from Odin asking me how I am, and how work is going. His messages put a huge smile on my face. Work is a welcomed distraction. We have a new server named Daniel that I like a lot. We sometimes smoke a bowl in the parking lot before work. He’s got a total frat boy body, and he always has “I picked up this girl last night” stories that make me laugh. I feel bad for college girls who wind up being conned into sex, and then never get a call back. Daniel is a player, but he makes a great co worker.
    I keep having nightmares. At first, the Valium was enough to make me sleep through them, but lately they’ve gotten worse. I swallowed my pride and took myself to a support therapy group last week. I thought I would hate it, but I actually enjoyed it. I heard a lot of stories, equally as violent and sad as my own. And I was comforted to know that even the people who knew their attacker, and chose not to press charges out of fear, weren’t being judged.
    Of course for therapy to really work, you have to open up and talk about it. I’m just not there yet. I did get a chance to talk to the group therapist about my nightmares. I was happy to learn that they are common. She was able to prescribe me a sleeping pill that she said helps a lot of her patients. Before she handed it to me, she made sure to tell me not to drive or operate machinery. And of course not to take it should I become pregnant.
    It reminds me that I’m about due to have the birth control rod in my arm replaced. But I know they’ll want to probe around in my lady parts, and I shutter just thinking about it. Since I’m not having sex, and have no intention to, I think I’ll put it off a while.
    Just the idea of sex scares the shit out of me. I hurt for days after Rick and Jaime violated me, and the thought of anything touching me there makes me so anxious I could vomit. Even the thought of sex with Odin scares me. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to mentally handle it, even if I want to.
    It doesn’t matter. It can’t happen, so it doesn’t matter.
    The therapist also told me it’s important that I talk about it with someone, whether with a close friend or relative. She said coping alone is the hardest way to cope. Despite everything that has been pounded into my head about keeping quiet, I take the therapist’s advice and invite Kelli over on Saturday.
    She shows up with a beach bag, filled with her pool gear. We smoke a bowl in my living room before we head to the spa. I told her over the phone that I had some really big shit I needed to tell her, but she’s been polite not to pry, even though I know she’s filled with anticipation. Kelli loves drama.
    “So does this news have anything to do with you and Odin breaking up?” Kelli can no longer