to my own emotions. I feel disgusting, deceiving, ruined… I can’t help but feel like if he knew what I am hiding, he’d be totally repulsed by me right now. I start to lose the battle with my tears, feeling my eyes get watery. I need to get away from him, before the curtain drops on my little act.
But before I can put one foot in front of the other, I feel his hand on my face, his thumb gently wiping the first tear that roll down my cheek.
“I still care about you Lila. Tell me that I still mean something to you, that I didn’t imagine the last three months of my life.” Odin’s voice is desperate. I’ve never seen him desperate. It’s humbling for a man of six foot four, decked in a biker cut and tattoos.
I open my eyes wide, shaking my head no. I can’t do it. I can’t make him believe he means nothing. I can’t tell that lie without bursting into tears, so I just bite my tongue. Just before the tears start falling, I turn to leave but Odin pulls me back to him. I’m quickly pressed against his chest and he wraps his arms around me.
I need to get away from him, but I can’t push him away. Odin is my rock, my strength, my protector and my whole heart. How the fuck am I supposed to let all that go?
“I still care too,” I admit, blowing a huge hole in my own lie, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I care more about him than I do anything in this whole fucked up world. I feel his grip on me tighten, and know that my words are a huge relief to him. “But I have a lot on my plate right now, and I need space.”
Reluctantly, I back away from him, pulling myself together as the numbness starts to come back to me.
“I can give you that,” he says, knowing he has no choice.“Just promise me that we can still be friends in the mean time. I can give you all the space and time you need, but I can’t lose you Ly.”
I cling to the idea of being able to keep him around as a friend, even though I know the chances of that working out are slim.
“I’d like that,” I say, pushing away my sadness to make way for a small smile. Odin mirrors my expression. He seems relieved, and oddly I feel a little better too.
“Let me know if you need anything. I have to get to work.”
Until he mentions it, I didn’t even think how strange it is for him to be here at 11:00am on a Monday. He’s been waiting for me to come back.
I nod, and watch as Odin steps back into the street toward his truck.
Chapter 4
Hopeless
Devil’s Cut
Odin climbs into his truck and heads back to work. He knew Lila would be moving soon, and kept stopping by throughout the day to make sure he’d be there when she did. Now he just has to follow her to her new home. He tells himself he just wants to make sure she’s okay, that it will help him sleep. But the truth is, he won’t sleep either way. If he doesn’t follow her, he’ll be up all night worrying about her. If he does, he’ll be up all night trying to catch another glimpse of her, trying to find out exactly what she’s up to. Something definitely feels off about all of this.
As he waits cautiously around the corner out of sight, for the moving truck to leave he thinks about the last few days. What pains him the most, is that he’d planned on asking her to move in with him. He’d made the spare key already, and had a proposal all worked out. It was a huge step for him. He’d been so used to living a secluded life, and it made him nervous to open it up to her, but he was ready. All those days he contemplated asking her, afraid she’d say no and she’d rejected him before he’d worked up the courage to ask.
He follows the truck all the way to West Covina, and once it stops in her condo complex, he lets it out of sight. He’ll figure out which condo is her later, for now he heads to work.
He pulls up to the job site in a hurry, kicking up a cloud of dust with his tires, and drawing attention. He’s been pouring himself into work these past few days,