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individuals who are experiencing doubts, difficulties, and dilemmas about their sexuality, sex toys are a great boon to those whose sex lives are good but have the potential to become even better. Mind you, you may even hesitate to call dildos and vibrators toys because they perform so well.
    A dildo is a man-made object shaped like a penis that can, but does not necessarily, vibrate. They are available in a variety of sizes. Some are made out of hard plastic but the newest models are made out of soft rubber or a gel-like substance that feels more like a real penis. They are made from molds of real penises and so have details like realistic heads and veins. The flexible kind can also be bent into different shapes. Some dildos come with the added feature of having suction cups on the base so they can be freestanding, affording women a greater variety of positions in which the dildo can be used.
    For the purposes of the exercises you will be doing in this chapter I recommend you look for a dildo that:
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is shaped like a realistic penis
is similar in size to your partner’s (or the average size of the partners you have sex with)
has a suction-cup base
is flexible enough to be bent into a gooseneck shape to stimulate your G-spot
vibrates at both a high and low setting (not for the purposes of this exercise, but for future use).

    If you encounter difficulty finding all these attributes in one dildo, make sure that at a minimum it is realistically sized and is flexible. You might end up buying two dildos, each of which incorporates some of the attributes you are looking for. You might want to get a smaller dildo, say a four-inch one, and a larger one to work up to, particularly if you are new to using them.
    A vibrator can be penis-shaped, but can come in other sizes as well; some are as tiny as a triple-A battery while others are as big as your forearm. These large vibrators are not meant to be inserted in the vagina and have instead ex-terior massage uses. Vibrators differ in the strength of the stimulation they provide and some contain different levels of intensity settings.
    There are now many pleasant and professional stores across the country in which you can buy sex toys like dildos and vibrators. If there isn’t a store near you, Appendix B contains a sample listing of mail order firms from which you can order products. I list them as
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    a service to you, not as an endorsement. You should examine the catalogues carefully to determine if the items fit your needs and whether the prices are reasonable.
    Everything Old is New Again
    The sensual squeezing, holding, and releasing exercise you did in the previous exercise is exactly what you are going to do in this next exercise. Only this time you are going to have a dildo in your vagina as you do the process. Start with a four-inch dildo—it can be smooth or have a pronounced head, it doesn’t matter.
    Now, you are not pumping iron with your PC muscle. Gentleness is the order of the day. Your aim is to accustom yourself sensually to the looseness and tightness of your PC muscle around an object inserted in your vagina. By increasing your PC muscle’s sensitivity in this way, you are increasing the muscle’s ability to spasm and trigger orgasm during intercourse.
    Begin with a sensate focus body caress. Keep close tabs on your breathing at all times. Lubricate your dildo well. Now give yourself a genital caress with the dildo, rubbing it softly against your labia and clitoris. The first time you insert it, go only as deep as an inch. Start your PC squeezes. Squeeze, hold, release. After you have done the twenty repetitions, in-sert the dildo another inch and do twenty more squeezes. In-sert the dildo a third inch and repeat the cycle of gentle squeezes, holds, and releases for the last time. If you start to have an orgasm,
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    while it is not the goal of the exercise, enjoy it and keep the