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that explains why you’re naked.”
    “Maybe I was having hot, random sex with strangers,” I heard myself say. Hey, a vamp’s gotta have her pride and my mom was much too quick to buy the Laundromat excuse. “A really hot, handsome stranger.”
    “If only.” My mother cast a glance around her. “You know, if you would just take your father up on his offer, you wouldn’t have to live like this. Not only is the salary good at Moe’s, but we just added dental.”
    “My fangs are fine, Ma.”
    “And maid service.”
    “I like cleaning. Really.”
    She didn’t say anything. Instead, she gave a disdainful little sniff that made me feel like I should be starring in The Biggest Loser.
    “Did you drive all the way from Connecticut just to criticize me?”
    “Don’t be silly, dear. I can do that over the phone.” She shook her head. “Someone has to stop your brother from making a tragic mistake that he will regret for the rest of his afterlife. Your father and I are headed over to Park Avenue right now to talk somesense into him.” She nailed me with a stare. “And you’re coming with us.”
    My mom needed me. As terrifying as the thought was, it was also sort of sweet. In a weird, twisted, Mommy Dearest way. My ego perked. “I’m the moral support?”
    “You’re the distraction, dear.” She flicked an invisible piece of lint from her sleeve. “First, we’ll try to persuade him with a nice fat, juicy raise. If that doesn’t work, we’ll throw in a four-week, all-expense-paid trip to Hawaii. And if that doesn’t work, I’m going to slip these into the human’s drink.” She held up a small silver packet of pills.
    “Please tell me those are vitamins.”
    She shook her head and gave an evil grin. “Birth control pills, dear. I got them from Millicent Von Waldenburg, who got them from her son, Ivan. You remember Ivan?”
    “Isn’t he the one who slicks his hair back?”
    “It’s a classic look, dear. Think Frank Langella.”
    “Or the Fonz.”
    She gave me a pointed glare. “You’re much too picky, Lilliana. You’ll never find a decent eternity mate if you don’t bend a little. Ivan is a fabulous prospect. His fertility rating is an eight and he’s got several nice real estate investments that are paying off heavily.”
    “I’m not going out with Ivan.”
    “Of course you’re not.” She waved a hand at me. “You’re going out with Remy.”
    Remy Tremaine was the chief of the Fairfield Police Department and the perfect born vampire. He had a fabulous fertility rating, a smoking body and a nice side business providing bodyguards for the rich and famous. We’d grown up together, terrorized each other and, more recently, had our very first official date.
    And our last.
    I’d explained about Ty and given the spiel about how I’d still like to be friends. While Remy hadn’t bought it (made + born = not a chance in hell), I’d set aside the few feelings I had for him and moved on.
    My mother obviously hadn’t gotten the email on that.
    “Remy and I are just friends,” I told her for the bizillionth time.
    “We’ll see,” she said in a voice that never failed to strike fear in the hearts of frightened villagers and send yours truly running online to MyTherapist.com .
    “Ivan is feeding off this gynecologist from Queens,” she went on. “When he heard what Jack was contemplating, he got them for me. Your father and I aren’t the only ones up in arms over your brother’s poor judgment. The entire born vamp community is outraged. They understand, of course, that it’s not Jack’s fault. He wouldn’t willingly betray his species. He’s just powerless against such strong magic.”
    “For the last time, Mandy is not a witch. She’s a medical examiner.”
    “She comes from a long line of witches, and you know what they say.”
    “Live and let live?”
    “The snake doesn’t slither far from the egg.”
    What?
    “She’s mesmerizing him, all right,” she went on. “But her