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was a small reminder of the ways Charles still lived.
    I hadn’t been back to the church or the gravestone since the day I buried my husband, but today was the day. Travis came back every year on Charles’s birthday, which was right after Thanksgiving, and visited his grave stone. He would always put me on speakerphone when he did, and I would just sit in silence. This wouldn’t be like that. I wouldn’t be far away, capable of pretending like it never happened. Yes, today was the day. Today I was going to face a fear of mine, one that had already come to life but hadn’t yet been fully real. I was going to face the fact that Charles wasn’t, nor would he ever, be physically here with me.
    Today, I would visit the stone that stood above the empty grave and I would face the reality head-on for the first time in three years. Charles wasn’t in the ground. His bones may be, but he wasn’t. I couldn’t ever believe that. I had never been a very spiritual person, not until I met Charles. Charles’s love made me see how God’s love could be real. His presence made me feel God’s presence. This is why I couldn’t and wouldn’t believe that when Charles’s body quit his soul quit too. It was too strong to ever do that. So today I would let go of the thought of Charles physically being here and I would cling onto the hope that somehow he was all around me.
    Charles was always convinced that love itself was magic. That is, it had powers just like the ones we saw in fairytales growing up. I remembered chuckling at the big, tall, strong soldier speaking such soft, beautiful words like magic and love . Charles never shared his thoughts with anyone else, not to the detail he shared with me. He would be too embarrassed to, but he was never that way with me. He had strong belief in the magic of love, that it could do things, things that we call miracles. Maybe, just maybe, he was right. I had hope that he was, and if he was . . . then that meant that his love would never leave Charlotte and me. It meant that his love was able to carry through time, through space and through worlds. This is what I know Charles counted on when he jumped in front of Calvin to save his life, when he laid down his life for another. I know it, and today it was what I counted on.
    I shook my hands a little as I let out a breath. Warmth carried over me in a wave and I smiled. There you are. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I love you, Charles. I walked into Charlotte’s room and smiled at her blonde curls that fell over her beautiful floral dress. “You look beautiful, Princess.”
    She jumped up and down. “We see Uncky Travey?”
    I laughed. “Yup, we will.”
    She squealed. “Yay, me like hims.”
    I nodded. “I know, baby.”
    Twenty minutes later, I pulled up into the church parking lot in Charles’s Bronco, which—thank the Lord—was finally repaired. It felt important having his Bronco back here at his childhood church. I put the Bronco in park and the engine kicked, almost like a sigh at its return home. This Bronco had been Charles’s since before he could drive. Travis said the truck had seen things that would never be told, things that he would take to his grave. I smiled at the thought of my good Charles ever being a rule breaker, and then I looked up at the brick building. A tight pinch formed in my chest. Charlotte continued to play with the doll I let her bring along and was oblivious to my minor freak out.
    I took a deep breath as that tightening became worse. I began to unbuckle my seatbelt when a knock came from my glass window, and I practically jumped out of my seat. I looked out to see Travis’s worried face. I hopped out, and before I could get to her, Travis already had Charlotte in his arms.
    “Hey, my Princesses,” He said, soft and low.
    “Hey,” Charlotte and I both said in unison.
    As we walked up the walkway, Travis grabbed my hand. Normally, I would reject his PDA. However, I was more nervous than a