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and Emerson, I hugged them both and whispered in their ears. “Thank you.”
    They both smiled and kissed my cheek. “Anytime.” Then they walked out, hand in hand. I knew Calvin still struggled with Charles’s death and with demons that haunted him from many deployments. His being here today took much more strength than many had. It took true bravery. Then again, that was who Calvin was to his core, so I wasn’t truly surprised—more honored.
    As soon as I was alone in the bathroom, I took a deep breath and blew it back out. This day was going to kill me. I was so lost lately, and today I was finally starting to feel found again. It was like a painful cleansing that I needed, a detox that my soul craved. As the day wore on, I felt worse and better all at once. For the first time since Charles died I felt like myself, like the version of myself that I wanted to be. I felt strong. I looked in the mirror and fixed my mascara that was starting to smudge from both happy and sad tears.
    Travis and I picked up Charlotte from Sunday school, and she came running into my arms with a paper whale craft. “Mommy, I make whale!”
    I smiled. “I see that, baby, it’s beautiful!”
    She nodded in agreement as Jules came up from behind her. “BOO!” Charlotte jumped and giggled. “Hey, baby, you ready to come play? We’re going to swim!”
    Charlotte clapped her hands. “Yay! But mommy pick me up in a little bit.”
    I laughed. “Yes, sweetheart, I will pick you up in a little bit.”
    She crossed her arms and nodded. “And Uncky Travey.”
    Jules made a face like she was trying to not to laugh, and Travis cleared his throat. “Yes.”
    Charlotte nodded again and then kissed my cheek. “Love you, bye!”
    I shook my head as I stood up and waved. “Bye, love you!”
    Jules waved. “Take your time, we are going to have a blast!”
    I nodded and then felt Travis’s hand in mine again. I looked at our hands and then up at his face. He looked completely oblivious to my glare, so I slowly took my hand back. That got his attention, because he gave me a slight glare back and then cleared his throat again. “Ready?”
    I nodded and then, as I walked down the hall, I was stopped breathless. On my right side, and now staring right at me, was a huge portrait of Charles. Travis stopped. “Thought you should see this.” I nodded as I lightly ran my hand over the engraved plaque. It was him at his graduation from Special Forces training. I know, because I had taken it, and someone had painted it beautifully.
    I placed my hand on the cross around my neck, the one Charles gave me, and caught my breath. Travis stayed a few feet back, sensing my need for space this time. Charles’s beautiful green eyes were staring right into my soul, the sun was reflecting off of his face, and his smile was just as breathtaking as it had always been. I had stared at pictures of him time and time again—this exact one many times—but this was the first time that he looked alive again. The painting brought him back to life, just for a moment. The tears pushed at the back of my eyes and I swallowed them back. I glided my hand over the small silver plaque below the painting again as I read it.
     
     
    Charles Jon Maxwell. November 29,1987 - December 15,2012
    Loving Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Soldier and Friend. Brave Warrior of God.
    Joshua 1:9, John 15:13
     
    I swallowed back my tears again and then felt a solid hand on my shoulder. I looked back into Travis’s soft eyes. “It’s going to get harder.” I nodded, unable to speak. “We don’t need to do it all today.” He whispered.
    I shook my head. “It’s time, Travis.” Our eyes locked, and in that moment it felt like I was talking about more than just this moment, but I wasn’t exactly sure what. Travis nodded and put his hand out to me. I looked into Charles’s painted eyes one last time and then took Travis’s hand.
    The hot summer air surrounded me, but luckily today there was