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determined to get out of it.
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    Forever yours, Faith

    F aith sat on her patio, threw on her Gerald Levert CD, laid back on the lounger, closed her eyes, and listened to it from beginning to end.
    What a waste, she thought. All that talent, all that fineness, gone.
    She let the music take her away, away to a place other than where she was and away to another reality. Faith felt like a fake and a phony. Here she was counseling, mentoring, and guiding people’s lives, when hers was a complete mess.
    She’d been married for years. She and Raheem had been through it, in it, under it, and around it. Her advice to people getting married was to think it through. Ask yourself, do you want another job, because that’s what marriage is: work, overtime, extra hours, and then some. If anyone says differently or feels differently, she wanted to know their secret.
    Faith met her husband, Raheem, when she was deep into her addiction. She was actually high the day they met.
    She remembered it, like it was yesterday. It was late at night and Faith was high as hell. It just happened to be the night she was contemplating ending her life. Faith had gone out and purchased a gram of cocaine, sniffed it up in under two hours then went and purchased another gram.
    She was all alone getting high and pissed off at herself, because even though she wanted to stop snorting, it was out of her control. She didn’t know why she continued to get high. It’s not like she enjoyed the high anymore. She would just become more depressed but even depression didn’t stop her. Faith had started to wonder if she was an addict. If she was, she wasn’t ready to admit it.
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    All she knew was earlier her man, John, broke up with her. He was the one that got her hooked and here she was all alone. She’d lost her job with the hospital as a counselor because she was late and absent more than she should have been.
    It had gotten so out of hand that earlier that day her boss pulled her to the side and told her she best not return to work until she got her shit together. She told her that she needed to discontinue whatever she was doing and whomever she was doing it with because it was ruining her life and her career.
    Faith tried to pretend like she didn’t know what her boss was talking about, but she knew. She also suspected that her boss knew she was getting high and this suspicion was confirmed when she pulled open her drawer and pulled out a pamphlet.
    â€œHere, I think you should take this.”
    Faith glanced at it and noticed the words Narcotics Anonymous.
    â€œI don’t need that,” Faith told her, looking indignant.
    Her boss looked at her and placed it on the desk. She stood up and said, “I’m going to leave it here in case you change your mind.”
    As she started to walk toward the door, she told Faith, “Don’t come in tomorrow, I think you need to take a leave of absence.”
    â€œA leave of absence? For how long?”
    â€œIndefinitely.”
    So there she was without a job. When she left the hospital that day all she could think about doing was getting home, calling John, and asking him to come over to keep her company. Maybe they would even take a hit of cocaine together. Now mind you, she wasn’t an addict but a hit would help her think clearer and decide what her next step would be, so she believed.
    When Faith arrived home, she picked up the phone and dialed his number, only to find that it was disconnected.
    â€œWhat the hell?” Faith then tried his cell number.
    â€œSpeak.” John was always blunt.
    â€œWhat’s up with your phone being disconnected?”
    â€œObviously I didn’t pay the bill.”
    â€œMust you be so nasty?” Faith asked. This was definitely not the mood she wanted him to be in when she called. All she wanted was his company and to have a good time in his presence.
    â€œWhy don’t you come over tonight?