me.â
âNow, Harmony, this doesnât mean you got the job, it just means you got the shot at an interview.â
âI understand.â
âAnd dress professionally, be on time, and donât speak that hood shit.â
Another person would have been insulted but Jewell had traveled the road Harmony was taking now. Therefore, whatever Jewell told her to do or not to do, it was in her best interest to listen.
âIâll call this afternoon.â
âGood.â
Harmony felt a sense of relief, because maybe this was a sign that she was on her way to bigger and better things.
Changing the subject, Harmony asked Jewell about King. âHow are things going between you two?â
âGirl,â Jewell said, âthings are what they are.â
âWhat the hell does that mean?â
âIt means weâve fallen into a rut, the relationship rut.â
Harmony knew just what she meant because she and Shareef were in that rut as well. For them it was the sexual rut. Hell, they were lucky if they made love once a week.
Harmony could tell that Shareef was getting pissed off about not having sex. What was she to do? She couldnât help it when her mind was preoccupied with other things like life, school, her kids, and moving out the hood. When her mind raced this way the last thing on her mind was sex.
âI canât stop thinking about Evan,â Jewell admitted, interrupting Harmonyâs thoughts.
âSee, I knew that shit would happen especially after you ran into him those few times. Your ass better be careful, because like you told me, you have a good man.â
âYou ainât telling me anything I donât already know. But girl, that white boy knew he could eat some pussy.â
Harmony laughed. âAre you saying King canât?â
âIâm not saying that at all, but with Evan, it was different, he devoured my shit.â
âGood pussy eating does not make a good man, look at Nyâem. He tore my shit up when he did it and he ended up being an asshole. You and I both know you made the right decision by staying with King. If I had it to do it again, I would have chosen to have my kids by a man as good as King.â
âYou have a man as good as King right now and he acts likes a father to all those knuckleheads,â Jewell reminded her.
âThat I do and that he does.â
Shortly after they hung up, Harmony thought about the job Jewell was trying to hook her up with. She was definitely going to call. If she got the job, maybe she could get some sort of counseling while she was there. She needed someone to help her figure out her life.
Jewell didnât call her job, she knew her ass was fired, so she figured why bother, it was time to move on anyway.
CHAPTER FOUR
FAITH
Dear Journal,
Â
How do I go on pretending? Why should I go on pretending? Iâm tired of people looking at me thinking Iâve got it together, I donât have shit together.
My marriage is practically nonexistent. Raheem and I are basically roommates. Yes, he pays the majority of the bills, yes, Iâve been a kept woman for the past twelve years and yes, he was there when I needed him most and for this Iâm grateful.
But now I want something more in a marriage, I want time and I want monogamy. Iâm getting neither and itâs no secret. He continues to hurt me and he doesnât even acknowledge it. I donât know how much longer I can take this.
I know I canât continue to do this shit! I canât continue living this way. I feel as though Iâm compromising my dignity. This man doesnât even love me anymore. Why does he even want me here? For appearance sake? Definitely not for the sex because itâs been a long time since that has happened. I need to get up the courage to leave his ass, but then what would I do?
Am I really ready to start over?
Iâm stuck between a rock and a hard place and Iâm