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could tell, in fact, everyone was. How could they not be? We tried to keep it as secretive as possible, but it was hard. I was proud to be with her, despite her age, and I wanted everyone to know. She didn’t seem to care either, the way she recklessly wrapped herself around me in public. “Do that thing with your tongue again,” she would say or “tell me how to do it,” it was exhilarating. She was brazen, she was bold, and horrible as it sounds, everything I had ever wanted.
    Kat
    March 1984
    “No, nothing’s going on,” I explained once more
    “Nothing? Since you’ve been back at “home” you’ve been a different person,” Thomas questioned.
    Had I been? Surely I was happier, but different? No.
    “I haven’t done anything different”
    “Jesus, Kat. You were so upset and depressed when Drew didn’t call; we all thought you were going mental. Now you’re on top of the world daily.”
    “So that makes me different?” I said, frustration rising in my voice.
    “Well yeah.”
    “No I’m exactly the same fucking way as I was before Drew, Thomas,” my voiced came out louder than expected as I saw Gary poke his head around the corner.
    “Everything alright in here?” he asked
    “Of course” I said calmly, giving him my best smile
    He smiled back almost too knowing, as he left the room. I could tell Thomas had seen what had been met for my eyes only.
    “Okay so what’s going on?” he asked again in a low whispered.
    I gigged as I repeated that nothing was.
    Even then I could tell he was unsatisfied with my answer, but there was no point in arguing anymore. He had his suspicions and he would think himself correct
     
    Gary
    May 1984
    I wasn’t sure who it came from first or who voiced it, but it was there. Someone had found out that I had been sleeping with Kathryn. Although she was almost eighteen and damned well able to consent, my career and the fact that I had fucking adopted her whilst she was living under my roof, changed everything. My carefree attitude towards the whole charade became cautious and destructive. I had to tell her it was over, I couldn’t see her anymore. I don’t know who it would hurt more.
    She came home around eleven at night to which she found me sitting on the couch with my usual jack and coke.
    “You stayed up for me?” she asked sweetly as she rolled around the arm of the couch plopping herself down right next to me. When she went to kiss me, I turned away.
    “What’s wrong?’ she asked instinctively, pulling backwards.
    I hoped she didn’t smell the amount of alcohol on my breath. In truth, I couldn’t have done it sober.
    “Kathryn,” I started, with every fiber of my being rejecting what I was about to say, “we can’t keep doing this.”
    “But why?” her caramel eyes didn’t have tears like I expected, just a sad concerned look.
    “Because it’s not healthy, you’re so young…”
    “Are you serious?”
    Now she looked taken back.
    “Yes, Kat, I’m very serious.”
    “Fuck you, Gary, you’re just fucking scared.”
    “Yeah, well maybe I am,” I shouted at her.
    “You fucking are!”
    “God, Kathryn, please just sit down and listen,” I said to her, pleading as she rose from the couch and started towards the door.
    “Kathryn…Kat… please,” I repeated, desperate for her to respond.
    She took one look at me and slammed the door behind her.
    With that, I immediately regretted my decision, realizing I had just lost the most important person in my life.
     
    Kat
    May 1984
    I honestly didn’t know what to do or what the feeling that suddenly had come over me was. I felt anger, hatred. Something I had never felt towards Gary before. I wasn’t even sure if I had loved him. Lusted definitely, but love? I longed to be wanted by someone after Drew, and when Gary came along, things seemed to fall into place. If I didn’t have feeling for him, then why was I so upset?
    I drove to Thomas, where as soon as he opened the door, I fell into his