Read Serving the Soldier - Part 4 (An Alpha Military Romance) for Free Online Page B

thought I had maintained more control over my emotions than this. To drive after him? To spy on him? Ugh. I was freakin’ obsessed!
    I took a deep breath and loosened my grip on my steering wheel. Beating myself up wasn’t helping. I took another deep breath and tried to sort through my messed up mind.
    Maybe it was more than obsession or even infatuation. Was it a strange sense that only I could protect him?
    That was so funny that I snorted out loud. Jax didn't need me. Before I’d walked into his house, he didn't even know I existed. He had done just fine without me in his life. All I was supposed to do was oversee his rehabilitation.
    From nowhere, tears blurred my vision and I felt obligated to pull off at the next off-ramp. I needed to get off the freeway before I caused an accident. At the bottom of the off-ramp, I pulled into a combination gas station and convenience store. Parking away from other cars, I turned off the engine and just sat there, staring, seeing but not really paying attention to the people walking into and out of the store.
    Life went on around me and yet I felt as if I was stuck in a mire, a sinking pit of quicksand. I'm pretty sure that Jax had no idea how I really felt about him. If he did, he might've shaken his head and laughed, not in a mean way, but probably more in confusion. It was obvious that he had no idea how his charisma affected others. Well, maybe he did, and he used it well to his advantage in a sexual way. But what about my heart?
    What about it? I had done this to myself. Jax had not seduced me, not in the traditional way. I had allowed myself to become tempted and I had crossed the line. The way I felt at this moment was my own fault. I was infatuated with the soldier, infatuated with the idea of him as protector, lover, friend, and… and what, Angie , I scolded myself. What did I really think was going to happen here?
    I allowed the tears to brim over my eyelids, and for several moments I just sat and wept, overwhelmed with emotion. Never in my life would I have thought I would be the object of unrequited love. Falling in love had never even come into the picture, and I certainly hadn't expected it would happen when I stood on Jax’s doorstep for the first time.
    Confusion reigned in my brain. Added to the confusion was this woman who might or might not be an enemy. I shook my head. I should just forget about Jax altogether. Go back to my dismal apartment. Call Nancy and tell her I was done.
    I realized I couldn't do that. I would be breaking my own rules about never abandoning or leaving a patient until someone could be found to replace me. I might be stupid in love, but I was not a hypocrite when it came to my job. I decided that I would go back to Jax’s house and then call Nancy for advice. Maybe it would just be best for her to find another nurse to come in and take over. I was certainly proving to be less effective as the days went on. Every time I saw Jax, touched him, had sex with him, my duties as a nurse and caregiver took a back seat. I couldn't allow that to happen.
    After several moments of wallowing in my own self-pity, I wiped the tears from my face, took a deep breath, and straightened my shoulders. First, I had to get back to his house. Then, I needed to think, and only then would I call Nancy.
    ***
    I took my time driving back to the island, stopping several times along the way to just stare out the window at the lovely scenery, and sometimes to cry. It was early afternoon before I pulled my car into ‘my’ spot on the side of Jax’s garage. It didn't look like he was back yet, although I couldn't tell because the garage door was still closed, as it should be. It wasn't until I had gotten out of my car and locked the door that I remembered that people were after him. I stiffened and quickly looked around, searching through the loblolly pine that sheltered this side of the house and around toward the back. The other side faced the seaward side of the