toothpaste and then rinsed my mouth.
I ran some cold water and splashed it onto my face, hoping it would wake me up. Hoping that maybe what I was experiencing in my heart was a lie. My memory shot back to two weeks ago at that hotel party with Shawn…
I was lonely. I was used to being alone but not being lonely, not this aching pain to be with someone specific. If only I hadn’t met him that night, I wouldn’t be dreaming of him. He was so kind and gentle… it made me think back to my time with Dan. The years we had spent together in a monogamous and loving relationship, the time we had spent trying to fix our problems with no success. I didn’t regret it since that time together we had loved each other, but now I feel something similar for Shawn.
I shook my head. It was so stupid, it had already been two weeks and I still couldn’t get the damn guy out of my head. Even my fantasies featured what happened during our night together, I couldn’t dodge it.
I turned off my alarm before it had a chance to annoy me. Then my phone began to ring from its place on the nightstand.
“Hello?” I asked into the phone.
“Hey, darling,” a familiar voice cooed.
“Hey Charlie,”
“Are you ready for today’s shoot?” Charlie asked. “You better hurry because it was pushed a half hour earlier.”
“A half hour?! I just got up!” I said in a panic.
“I’ll pick you up, just be waiting for me outside in 20 minutes okay?”
“Got it,” I said and then hung up.
I went about my morning routine as quickly as possible: showering, eating breakfast, attempting to towel dry my hair. I quickly went through my purse to make sure I had the essentials before heading out the door, locking it, and sprinting down the stairs. I ran through the lobby and saw Charlie’s car waiting for me outside.
“Sorry I’m a little late,” I apologized.
“Just get in, we’re already running late,” Charlie said sharply.
“How was I supposed to know that the shoot was going to be earlier?” I said.
“Sorry, I’m just on edge lately,” Charlie said with remorse as he began to drive.
Sitting in a car for once instead of taking public transit was really refreshing. I looked out the passenger side window and watched the dark clouds gather in the sky.
“You think it’ll rain?” I mused.
“Probably,” Charlie laughed.
I sighed and continued to look outside. The sights of London so early in the morning were so gloomy. It was still dark out but there were quite a few people on the streets.
“What are all these people doing out on a Saturday?” Charlie complained.
“I have no idea,” I agreed.
I saw a couple linking hands and flashed back to Shawn, imagined what his hand might feel like in mine… they were soft but callused when they touched me. A shiver ran down my spine.
“Cold?” Charlie asked as he put up the heat in the car.
“Just a tad,” I replied, cursing internally.
***
My stomach churned in the morning and I had to rush to the toilet. I unloaded chunks of my dinner from the night before in unfashionable plops into the water. I tasted the acid on my tongue and teeth as I dry heaved until my stomach calmed down. I felt so dizzy and light headed, but I had a shoot today. Once I felt like my legs wouldn’t collapse from underneath me, I got up, but soon fell to my knees again and grabbed a hold of my stomach in pain.
Something felt off. I didn’t know what it was, but something was wrong. I had to get up, though. I needed to go to this shoot; they wouldn’t be okay with some amateur blowing off a shoot… I’d be blacklisted in the industry. So I picked myself up the best I could and flushed the toilet. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and sighed. I looked terrible, my hair was a mess and my eyes were puffy.
“You can do this,” I cheered myself on. “You can make it through today.”
I brushed my teeth. After moving around for a little while I felt better which was good. That episode in