Jane had pulled back her luxurious mane of auburn hair. She laughed nervously and clasped her hands in her lap.
Most artists strove to put their subjects at ease, make them feel relaxed and comfortable. She strove to do the opposite.
She meant to plumb the dark places. To communicate fear, vulnerability and despair.
Jane began. âTell me what youâre afraid of, Anne. When youâre alone with your thoughts, whoâs the monster?â
âAfraid?â the woman repeated nervously. âYou mean likeâ¦spiders or something?â
She didnât, but told her to begin there if sheâd like. Some of her subjects knew exactly what she was after; others, likeAnne, had answered her ad, knowing nothing more about the artist Cameo than that she paid a hundred bucks for a few hoursâ work.
Janeâs subjects had been of all ages and from all races. They had run the gamut from anorexic to obese, drop-dead gorgeous to painfully disfigured.
Interestingly enough, they all shared a common fear, a thread that seemed to bind all women to one another.
âI hate spiders,â she said.
âWhy, Anne?â
âTheyâre soâ¦creepy. So ugly.â She paused, then shuddered. âTheyâve got those little hairs on their legs.â
âSo itâs a visual thing? A physical response to the creatureâs appearance?â
She frowned but the flesh between her eyebrows didnât wrinkle. Botox, Jane realized, recognizing the effect.
âI never thought of it that way,â she said.
âDo you have that response to people who are ugly or deformed? People who are obese?â Jane hated the words, the labels. She used them now, purposefully, for effect.
Anneâs cheeks reddened. She shifted her gaze.
She did, though she was embarrassed to admit it .
A form of discrimination, one Jane was quite familiar with .
âTell me the truth, Anne. Thatâs what weâre here for. Itâs what my workâs about.â
âYou wonât like me. Youâll think Iâm stuck up.â
âIâm here to document, not judge. If you canât be honest with me, tell me now. I wonât waste our time.â
Anne hesitated a moment more, then met Janeâs direct gaze. âI know itâs wrong, but itâs likeâ¦it hurts to look at them.â
âWhy?â
âI donât know.â
âI think you do.â
Anne shifted uncomfortably. âWhen I look at those people, Iâ¦in a way I hate them.â
âHateâs a strong emotion. Maybe stronger than love.â
Anne didnât respond. Jane went on. âWhy do you think you feel that way?â
âI donât know.â
Jane paused, collecting her thoughts. She tried another tact. âDo you think youâre a beautiful woman, Anne?â
âYes.â She flushed. âI mean, for my age.â
âFor your age?â
She looked away, then back. âWell, Iâm not twenty anymore.â
âNo one stays twenty forever.â
âRight,â she said, an edge in her voice. âGrowing old. Thatâs the way God intended it.â
âYes.â Jane carefully modulated her voice, working to keep it neutral, nearly expressionless. She had found that in some subjects her lack of emotion fueled theirs.
âHow old are you?â Anne asked.
âThirty-two.â
âA baby. I remember being thirty-two.â
âYouâre only slightly older than that.â
âIâm forty-three. A lifetime from thirty-two! You donât know. You canât becauseââ
She bit the words back. Jane zoomed in on Anneâs face; it filled the frame. The tape recorded the tears in her eyes. The desperate vulnerability. The way her lips trembled, how she pressed them together.
Honest, Jane thought. Powerful.
Jane focused on Anneâs mouth. She wetted her lips, then began to speak.
Jane shifted the cameraâs
James Patterson, Ned Rust