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kids, and he was one of those overbearing, annoying types that made sure all of his kids’ names started with the letter M. Marylin, Martin, McKayla, Mindy, and Micah. All of them three years apart. All part of proper family planning , my uncle had said to me a couple of years ago.
    “Come on, Uncle Marion, I really need to go,” I said with my face pressed to the door.
    “Hey, Tyler! How’s it going?” he asked, more shouted, from the other side.
    “Uh, not really looking for conversation, sorry. I really need to go.”
    “You might want to keep moving. I’m having a family emergency.”
    I sighed as he brayed laughter like a donkey at his own joke. I could have gone to my parents’ room and used their bathroom, but I’d have to run the gauntlet of family to get there. I decided to wait impatiently instead of risking that. Almost five minutes later, after I’d nearly soiled myself twice, keeping it away by dancing around in the hallway, I heard the flush of the toilet. A few seconds later, the door opened, and the pressure wave of fetid, rank air made me gag.
    “Yeah, I’d maybe wait a few minutes before going in there,” Uncle Marion said as he tried to edge by me.
    “You going to wash your hands?” I asked.
    Uncle Marion was a picker. He liked to sample every bit of food that was put out on counters and the table. He gave me a strange look and tried to get by me again. He grunted when I wouldn’t budge, then turned to the sink and began to wash his hands. I stared at his hands the whole time, letting him know I was on to his little trick of pretending to wash his hands but really only holding them under the faucet for two or three seconds.
    “Ain’t you supposed to be off at college?” he asked as he dried his hands. His expression suggested that it would be just fine by him if I’d died in a burning dorm.
    “I am ‘off at college,’” I said, stepping aside.
    “Then what are you doing here?” he asked as he passed me.
    “I live here,” I said, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door.
    I almost didn’t make it, but thankfully Uncle Marion, pig that he was, left the toilet seat and lid up. I did my business, washed my hands, then crept down the hallway to my room.
    “Tyler!” my Aunt Jenny said in her typically loud voice. “Come say hi to everyone!”
    “I will in a minute, after I get dressed,” I said, slipping into my room, closing the door, and locking it. I thought about jamming the chair under the knob as well.
    Kassi’s laugh brightened the start to my day.
    “What’s so funny?”
    “You. You’re so cute.”
    “Great. But you don’t understand, it’s a meat grinder out there.”
    “You want to sneak out through the window?” she asked, pulling on her pants.
    “I think we might have to.”
    “I don’t think that’s going to be possible. I have to pee now.”
    “There’s bushes outside of my window,” I offered.
    “Funny. Where’s the bathroom?”
    I spread my arms across the door behind me. “Please don’t go out there. Please.”
    “Come on, Tyler. I have to go. I have a girl’s bladder, not an iron one like you guys have.”
    She slipped her arms around my middle and kissed me on the chin. I relented, gently pushing her back until I could crack the door open again and look out. I waited for the right opportunity. I hoped Aunt Jenny would start talking, as everyone felt compelled to turn to her whenever she spoke. I’m not sure why, it’s just always been that way. I felt a tap on my shoulder. Kassi was letting me know I needed to hurry up.
    I sighed again, then opened the door and walked out, standing in front of the doorway for a moment until Kassi walked out and down the hallway. Every single eyeball in the house saw her. She smiled and waved at my family, only a few waving back, most looking at her with shock, as if everyone thought I was gay.
    “Who’s your friend, Tyler?” Aunt Jenny practically yelled from across the living