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    The other thing I would like to ask for is the Barbie dream car, and the Barbie dream house… I told you, I’m in love with Barbie. The Barbie dream car is so so so cool. It has automatic driving, so I don’t even have to do anything but be inside of the car, and it’s also very safe. My older sister even thinks it’s cool, so that says something. The Barbie dream house is for Barbie. She needs to move because she says her other house is getting to small, so this house is the perfect size for her. There’s nothing else really that I want on Christmas. I hope you can bring it to me. I will
leave some cookies and milk out for you like I always do, and if you don’t eat them, it’s okay because maybe your reindeer will get hungry. I’ll leave an extra glass of milk out for them too.
    I hope you don’t get too tired delivering all the presents to all the other girls and boys. Good Luck! Love you,
    â€”Emma—

    Dear Emma,
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    You’re one of those talkative kids, aren’t you?
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    Try listening occasionally,
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    I already sent you my Christmas List, but I just thought about something really important and wanted to ask you a question. Can you please include the receipts with my presents? Last year, you made a couple of mistakes (I wanted an X-Box, and you gave me a Nintendo instead) and it would be really convenient if the receipts were included so I can exchange the presents I don’t like.
    Thank you, Santa,
your friend,
jason

    Dear Jason,
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    I’m afraid you’ve made the fundamental mistake of assuming my gifts are returnable and that I offer “receipts” for them. First of all, where do you propose to return these gifts? I doubt very much that Best Buy is going to honor a receipt from me even if I were to provide you with one. That would leave you in the position of having to haul your ass all the way to the North Pole to make the exchange. Practical? Not really. But if you want to give it a shot, I’ll be happy to honor your request if you manage to survive the journey.
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    Dress Warmly!
    SANTA

Dear Santa,
    My mom and dad told me I’m spoiled and that I should think about the poor kids in Indiana because they don’t have any toys and I should be thankful because I have toys and Food and a nice house and they told me I should give all my presents to the poor children in Indiana but I don’t think that’s Fair so maybe you could just bring me the toys From my list and give those kids all my old toys. Can you do that Santa?
    Sin Celry
Chris eck

    Dear Chris,
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    While I agree that we should all feel sympathy for any child born in Indiana, I believe your mother actually said India—unless she didn’t, in which case she’s probably a moron. In any case, don’t feel bad for the “poor” children of India. While their standard of living is still far below that of the “developed” world, they are catching up rapidly. By about the start of your second marriage (it will fail, too) India will have surpassed the United States in wealth and standard of living. You see, while all you Americans sit around complimenting yourselves about being number one, the people of India are actually educating themselves in real courses such as Microbiology and Quantum Physics—as opposed to made-up subjects like Creation Science and Hip Hop Culture. But don’t worry, even as your standard of living slides inexorably toward the gutter, you’ll still think you’re number one—even if you don’t know the difference between India and Indiana.
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    Thanks for caring!
    SANTA

Dear santa,
    Thank you for the presents that you gave me last year. How many elves do you think you have in your workshop? About 116,000? I don’t know. Do you know what people are doing right now? sorry for all the bad things I have done. What kinds of cookies