Mom crying, I havenât heard it. Everyone says nails on a chalkboard are the worst, but Iâd take that any day over this.
Marla and I look at each other and reach for the remote, but when I get my hands on it, I canât decide whether to turn the TV off or lower the volume or do nothing at all.
âShould I get Dad?â I whisper, and slide closer to Marla on the couch. At least Iâm not alone.
âHe wonât know what to do,â Marla says.
âI donât know what to do,â I say.
âWell, heâll make it worse.â
Annie stops singing, but Mom doesnât stop crying.
âMy sister loved this song,â Mom says. I think thatâs what she says. Her words are mushy and slurred. Iâm scared when she sounds like this. I want to shake her until the words come out clearer, crisper. I want to disappear, and I know exactly how to do it. Iâm about to suggest to Marla that we sneak back into Eleanorâs closet, that our sisters would understand if they knew how dire the circumstance was, but she gets up from the couch, puts her shoulders back, and clears her throat.
âIâll check on her,â Marla says. Itâs a terrible idea. Night crickets chirp out warnings. The sun goes down the whole way. Itâs a sure sign, all of it, that itâs too late to save anyone.
âMaybe you shouldnât do that?â I say. Eleanor would grab her elbow and jerk her back down to the couch. Astrid would distract her with an art project and a few bits of gossip about Eleanorâs secret boyfriend. But I make a sound like a lamb and blink my eyes a lot and give up before the words are even out of my mouth.
âShe probably wants company,â Marla says. âSheâs probably lonely.â I wonder if weâre whispering low enough forMom to ignore us. The house seems too drafty and quiet, and the loud Annie finale hasnât started yet.
I should stop Marla, but I donât know how. I let her go. I run upstairs before I have to hear what happens to her. I donât want to know.
Iâm a bad sister.
In my room I canât hear much of whatâs happening in the rest of the house. Sometimes I hate that, feeling disconnected from my sisters. Marla can hear the twins through their shared wall, and of course the twins have each other, even though Mom and Dad offered to let them have separate rooms in the New Hampshire house. I think they could tell Mom wasnât thrilled with the idea of turning her sewing room into a bedroom.
She doesnât like us going in the sewing room at all.
I try to distract myself by writing a postcard to LilyLee. The challenge of postcard writing is that you want to get across the most important things that have happened in the last few days, but you canât say anything too personal. Itâs an art form, like Astridâs dioramas, or at least thatâs what I tell myself.
I have a huge collection of postcards, and I go through five different pine tree New Hampshire ones, trying to craftthe perfect three sentences to explain what happened today.
But I never get it right, because I canât stop looking at my closet door.
It looks like Eleanorâs. The same white wood. The same blurry brass doorknob that could use a good shining. The same squeak of the hinges when I open it, which I do, slowly, like its magic might pour out if Iâm not careful.
Iâm going to go inside.
Itâs probably not magic, anyway. Itâs probably a normal closet like Marlaâs and Astridâs. Probably only Eleanor got the special closet, because Eleanor is exactly the kind of girl who would get a special closet. I am not that kind of girl. I donât deserve it.
I take all the clothes and shoes and broken umbrellas and suitcases and missing-strapped backpacks out of my closet. I am close to certain that Astrid and Eleanor unloaded their closetsâ contents into mine. Eleanorâs closet is
Clive Cussler, Paul Kemprecos