peopleâitâs just myself I have doubts about.
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The crew enters : Phil, cameraman; Sarah, soundwoman.
Got to run, donât forget the cats and give Daddy a kiss for me. Iâll call tomorrow. âBye!
Â
PHIL, sets camera on the ground: Skip. Good morning, director, what are we shooting?
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SARAH: Emily, please could I use your cell phone, Iâve got to call New York.
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EMILY: Is it all right, Skip?
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SKIP: Why canât you call from the hotel?
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SARAH: Because itâs just after nine and they said I could get my pregnancy report after nine and I canât wait.
Â
EMILY: Sarah, really! Isnât that fantastic!
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SARAH, jumping up and down: Please!
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EMILY, hands her the phone: Here! Can you say who the father is?
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SARAH: Well, ah . . . actually, yes. My husband . . .
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EMILY: You have a husband?
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SARAH: Last Tuesday.
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EMILY: How fantastic! Make your call!
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Watches with unwilling envy as Sarah goes to a space
and calls.
PHIL: Listen, Iâm trustworthy, can you tell me the secret?âwhat am I shooting?
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EMILY, indicates the cross: That.
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PHIL: What am I supposed to do with that?
Â
EMILY: Well, nothing, until they nail a man to it.
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Soldiers lower the cross to the ground and start attaching
a footrest . . . as . . .
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PHIL: I always knew you were gutsy, but doesnât this crowd insanity? Youâre not serious, are you?
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EMILY: I may not be your director in about ten minutes, Phil. To Skip: . . . Which reminds me, do you have a doctor?
Â
SKIP: Oh god, youâre not feeling well?
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EMILY: Not for me, for him!âYouâve really gone crazy, havenât you . . .
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SKIP: I am not at all crazy! . . . In all the thousands of paintings and the written accounts of the crucifixion scene I defy anyone to produce a single one that shows a doctor present! Iâm sorry but we canât be twisting the historical record! Great new idea . . . . And furthermore, I will not superimpose American mores on a dignified foreign people. The custom here is to crucify criminals, period! I am not about to condescend to these people with a foreign colonialist mentality!
Â
EMILY: What about a hat?
SKIP: A hat?
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EMILY: If I know mountains itâll probably be a hundred degrees up here by noon.
Â
SKIP: Yes, but a hatâis that the look we want?âon a cross with a hat? I mean weâre not here to make some kind of a comment . I defy anyone to find a painting where heâs wearing a . . .
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EMILY: And what do you plan on giving him?
Â
SKIP: Giving him . . . ?
Â
EMILY: For the pain!
Â
SKIP: If youâre talking light drugs, okay, but we canât have him staggering up to the cross or something. Especially in like dry states . . . Kansas or whatever.
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SARAH, holding the phone: They gave him wine, you knowâthe Romans . . .
Â
SKIP: Well a little wine, but he canât look stoned. I mean weâve got several million born-agains watching. Actually, I was thinking aspirin . . . or Tylenol if heâs allergic . . .
Â
EMILY: Aspirin with nails through his hands and feet? Skip dear, are you out of your fucking head?âI mean I personally am on the verge of disappearing here, but. . . . Look, I donât know why Iâm even talking to you!
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SKIP, terror raised a notch: Emily, dear, in all solemnityâif you walk on this one youâd better forget about any more work from us! And probably most if not all the other agencies. Now thatâs candid. Itâs simply too late to get somebody else, and your career, I can assure you is a wipeout.
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EMILY: You are threatening me, Skip.
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SKIP: Iâm in no way threatening, dear, but if I know Thomson, Weber, Macdean and Abramowitz a lawsuit is not out of the question, and youâll be total roadkill in the industry!
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Enter Felix in uniform,
Dorothy Salisbury Davis, Jerome Ross