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his pecs and abs makes him nice to look at.
    Neither of us had any ideas
of what to do, but how we ended up sunbathing in a field near my house is
anyone’s guess. Brilliant sunlight spills over us, lapping at our faces and
working to fulfill the promise of being another hot summer day. Eyes half
closed, only a slit of blue sky is visible through my lashes. The alfalfa field
we’re lying in is almost ready for its last harvest of the year, so the
flattened vegetation beneath us protects us from the rocky ground.
    Our shirts are off and spread
out under our backs, filling in where a blanket would have been nice. Who would
ever pay for a tanning membership when you could have this? Midwest summers are
the best. They’re the only reason that anyone even lives here. We pay for it
with eight bitter months of winter, but it’s worth it.
    Matt turns his head, eyes
hidden behind his sunglasses. I should have worn a pair too, so it would have
been easier to get away with checking him out. I shouldn’t be so worried,
especially since I caught him doing something similar at the gym.
    “It’s too bad summer is
almost over,” he says. “Last year, college dragged on forever.”
    “Speak for yourself,” I say.
“I want to finish high school and get out of here.”
    He’s quiet for a moment. “I
don’t mind it so much here.”
    “Here, as in Northfield? Or
here, as in–” My sentence comes to an abrupt stop as I consider my next
words.
    “As in?” he prompts.
    “Here with me?” I didn’t
really mean it as a question, but it definitely came out that way. My chest
tightens in anticipation of his response. The time we’ve spent together so far
has been fun, and it’s not a stretch to think of ourselves as friends, but that
voice inside that has wondered since the beginning if it could be more than
that… it’s still curious as ever.
    Matt stares back but doesn’t
answer my question. No way am I about to let him go that easily. I feel bad
forcing this, but only a few days are left before he flies out East for school.
Before he goes, I really want to know what this is, or what it could be. The
more time we spend together, the more the tension grows. Right now the air
between us feels so thick it almost hurts to breathe.
    “You’re sweating,” I say,
trying to read the eyes behind those sunglasses.
    He swallows, turning to look
at me. “It’s hot.”
    Reaching across the space
separating us, I trail my index finger over his skin just below the collarbone.
His muscles tensing under my touch, he only hesitates a moment before pushing
my arm away. “Um, dude?”
    “Sorry, just messing
around,” I say quickly, withdrawing my hand and turning my head so it faces
toward the sky.
    A breeze whisks through the
field, carrying with it the scent of late summer mingled with clover and
alfalfa. Everywhere it touches me, coolness replaces the heat, soothing the
redness on my chest and arms warning me that I might have a burn tomorrow.
    When we were on the roof,
even when concentrated wholly on the work, I always felt something. And since
the moment we finished, I can’t stop thinking about that simmering intensity in
him that I can’t figure out. I’ve never done anything with a guy before and I
have no idea how that boundary would be crossed, but I’m dying to find out.
    As though talking to no one
in particular, Matt announces, “I’m straight.” His voice cuts between us,
sounding a little too high and a little too loud. Sheesh, even he doesn’t sound
convinced.
    I pause, afraid of saying
something that might send him running. “Didn’t say you weren’t.”
    He seems to relax, at least
a bit. After a few minutes of the wind whispering to us, he says, “It’s cool if
you’re… not.”
    I guess it wasn’t
technically a question, but he’s watching me expectantly. How to answer this
one? Can you know you’re into guys even if you’ve never been with one like
that? Closing my eyes, I mentally chastise myself