Read Push for Free Online

free and gnaw at my sanity.
    Steer the nightmare. That’s what Jackson told me to do. Control what I can and let go of what I can’t.
    It’s the letting go part that doesn’t come so easy.
    Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be taking Jackson’s advice to heart. Look where it landed him.
    I laugh, a dark, ugly sound. I feel wild and out of control, and hate every second of that. I don’t want to be this girl.
    I pull out the bag of tricks Dr. Andrews, my grief counselor, taught me: Breathe. Visualize. Focus.
    Reaching deep, I plumb my dwindling well of determination.
    I push through the pain and uncertainty and fear.
    Then I get to my feet, expecting the nausea and the headache that’s accompanied the jump before, but other than a slight pressure at the base of my skull, nothing. Guess I’m a pro now. Not exactly a thrilling thought.
    Incoming.
    The sound tunnels into my brain, my muscles, my bones, vibrating through every nerve in my body. I taste it, smell it. Crazy weird, the way the Committee communicates. Not every player in the game gets to hear them, just the team leaders. Lucky me.
    Kendra’s the first to arrive. Her eyes are wide, blond ringlets standing out at crazy angles, arms folded across her chest like she’s trying to hold herself together. It’s a pose I recognize, one I employ often. Doesn’t really help when I try it. I wonder how it’s working for her.
    “No.” She shakes her head wildly as soon as she sees me. “I can’t. I can’t. Not yet.” Her words tumble together in a rush. “Why did we get pulled again so soon? I don’t want to do this. I don’t think I can do this again. Miki—” She breaks off and just shakes her head.
    What makes you think you get a choice?
    That’s a Jacksonism. I keep it to myself. He got away with the whole I’m-a-cocky-asshole vibe. Looking back, I think that in a way, his attitude kept the rest of us from losing it. I doubt I’d pull it off half as well.
    Kendra looks around and when she speaks again, her voice is even higher, the words tripping out faster. “Where’s everyone else? Why are we alone? Don’t tell me they didn’t make it—” She runs at me and grabs my arm. “Lien,” she whispers.
    I put my hand over hers. “It’s okay. Lien’s okay. She made it. Everyone did.” Well, not everyone . Just everyone on our team of five. It’s a gift I’ll gladly accept, but a bittersweet one. There were too many shattered bodies that we left behind at the end of the last mission. We had no choice. But that doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make it any easier to live with.
    One of the people I left behind was Jackson. And that definitely isn’t right.
    I swallow and look away as Kendra drops her face into her hands.
    From the corner of my eye I catch flashes of movement, other teams gearing up in other clearings—mirror images of this one that I can only see if I don’t try too hard. If I turn my head to look dead-on, they disappear and all I see are the trees and grass around me.
    Even though they’re in a different place or dimension or whatever, it’s sort of comforting to know they’re there. My team isn’t in this on our own.
    The fact that I could see them the very first time I was pulled was one of the early clues that I was different than most of the other players in the game. Not only am I one of the oh-so-special group that can hear voices in my head, but I get to see other lobbies and other teams when the rest of my team can’t.
    Kendra sniffles and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. The most I can offer is a hand on her shoulder. I don’t even have a tissue.
    “Okay,” she whispers. “I can do this. It’s just so soon. I thought we’d get a break.”
    “So did I.” But I’m quickly learning not to have any expectations when it comes to the game, not to think too much. The trick is to just play to survive.
    I head for the boulders at the edge of the clearing, where five harnesses lie side by side on the