Read Poison Pen Letters to Myself for Free Online

arms melt into your fingertips
    Your head tips forward like a forgotten marionette
    And you stay always
    Curled around the pain of the weight held near the butterflies
    Tomorrow you might open your eyes
    But tonight is just fine……..

Home
    Outside
    Under the wide black starry skies
    Barefoot
    Weeping as my veins take root
    This blackened town
    Nothing nowhere
    Rusted crown
    Someone somewhere
    Was I christened a someone
    To no-one
    In particular?
    And it all comes down to fear
    Fear that no-one really cares
    If I fight to make my way out there
    Or if I bleed to death standing here

Vale of Tears
    I watched the shadows creep as I listened
    And when you listened to me
    I felt like I had finally spoken
    The words washed me dry of tears
    Emptied me
    Black and hollow
    It felt like a night of confession
    A night of soul searching
    We searched
    But the soul I lost remains with you
    My heart
    Hollow without you
    Nothing
    But a vale of tears

What Have I Become?
    What have I become?
    A stale heart with luke-warm blood
    Muddied knees and frozen tongue
    Bloodless, tearless, blackened, numb.
    Mirror, mirror, tell me lies
    Say I’m young to the eye
    For I am not to question why
    Simply born to do and die.

Bitter
    Windows like warm firelight
    Draw my bitter curiosity in
    And I stand in sullen emotion
    Seeking every sin
    I will take you home
    And take you in
    All in sullen emotion
    All in sweet sin
    Open the door for me
    I lost the key
    Open the windows then
    Let the noise drift to me
    See me standing
    Too afraid to knock
    Smiling on the outside
    Laughing at the lock
    I will take you home
    If you lose yourself in me
    And I will let you go
    When I have what I need
    Lose yourself in me for a while
    Leave you with the image…
    …of my smile.

If
    If I fight hard enough
    I don’t need to fight
    And if I learn enough
    I don’t need an opinion
    If I shout loud enough
    I don’t need to be right
    And if I fake an identity
    I don’t need to be anyone
    I would bleed myself to sleep
    and still never know
    I would drown myself in books
    and still never know
    I would pick apart my scabs
    and still never know
    I would lose myself in smoke
    and still never know
    If I work hard enough
    I don’t need to work
    And if I search everywhere
    I don’t need to seek
    If I suffer for everyone
    I don’t need to suffer
    But if I am just human
    I am weak
    I would stuff myself with food
    and still never know
    I would make myself so sick
    and still never know
    I would sink a bottle
    and still not know
    I would scream at the voices
    and they still won’t go…
    …If I…

Our Millennium
    They sit like little zombies
    Eyes glazed with TV death
    Their digitized heart beats
    Their microwave breath
    A wasted muscle flutters
    Caught and woven into the web
    A brief mental struggle
    From one not assimilated yet
    Technology spreads like fever
    Children born with the bug
    Unholy world wide communion
    The new never new enough
    Tomorrow’s world yesterday
    Armageddon come and gone
    The living dead in unsocial society
    This is our millennium

Smiling Again
    On the outside looking in again
    Smiling through my secret pain
    What am I doing here
    But wearing masks and facing fears
    Longing for the past
    Times that never last
    Understanding more
    Learning less
    Never feeling of the rest
    Smiling again…
    Reaction learnt
    No reason why
    Only realised on goodbye
    Smiling again…

Green upon Black
    On days like these
    I can only see
    Green upon black
    Hatred turns my cheek
    So that I can’t see
    Behind me
    The past at my back
    I look ahead
    To a future dead
    I wish I were too
    Though I am linked to this life
    My blood in you
    Peel my eyes from your beating heart
    Feel the sharpness there
    Pluck my fingers from your eyes
    See my self abuse
    I’m too tired to hate
    Too fired up to be calm
    Too angry to die
    Too self piteous to harm
    Too twisted up in emotion to see
    Too trapped in my mind to ever be free
    Too much
    Too little
    Too soon
    Too late
    I want to curl
    In the womb