Read Poison Pen Letters to Myself for Free Online

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Acknowledgements
    I believe that it is always important to say thank you, so this is my simple note of gratitude. Thank you to everyone who touched my life, inspired my mind, and walked my path with me. Be our encounter creative or destructive, those moments have made me the woman I am today. Without you all, I would not be.
    To my Husband; for promising on our wedding day and every day since to believe in me even when I doubt myself.
    To my Son and Daughter; yes, your Mama really was young and foolish once upon a time. No, that does not mean you can make the same mistakes – go and make your own.
    To my spiritual sister Arietta; for the tea, and for the sympathy, and for challenging me…

Introduction
    The words in these pages were not written for mass consumption. They were not artfully crafted for reading aloud in dim rooms to a soundtrack of clicking fingers and Parisian style applause. They were not intended as political statements or a way of reaching other wayward wandering souls. Over the last two decades they were poured, purged, scribbled and spat onto scraps of paper, napkins, backs of hands, into empty pages and blank spaces of other books. At times of sorrow, frustration, confusion, acceptance and joy the words made sense of the mind’s muddled meanderings. I make no apologies for the words that appear here. They are true to me, as simple and as intrinsic as the blood in my veins, the marrow in my bones.
    Feast upon them at your leisure. Devour them, spit them out, dip in and taste them on your tongue. Be they bitter or sweet to you; know only that they have certainly improved with age.
    Romany Rivers

Unexpected
    The words came suddenly
    In a rush
    All at once
    Like an unexpected orgasm
    Surprising
    Exciting
    Relieving
    Releasing
    I did not realise just how dried up I had become
    The river of emotion contained within
    But you cannot contain a river without
    Turning it into a dam
    So
    Was I damned?
    No
    I was paused
    On a brink
    Holding the potential
    Before everything tipped and I
    Became
    A
      Waterfall
    Full of the kinetic
    Unexpected

Red Letters
    Trampled and trodden on, left lying on doormats. Tossed onto tables. Crumpled in coat pockets. Unceremoniously stuffed into the darkest recesses of overfilled handbags. Unopened. Unheeded. Most certainly unwanted. Not forgotten, but studiously ignored. The first one can be ignored, after all these things always come in threes. The third one, well, that one may be a problem. A little bit more serious. The first one? It is not really a warning, more of a nudge. A gentle reminder. There is no time, no resources, no need to worry about it right now.
    If someone asks, deny everything. No responsibility. No liability. Plead ignorance. It never happened. You never got that warning. You didn’t know there was a problem. Of course, yes, you really should be keeping a close eye on matters, but life is so busy.
    Smile. Play make believe. Pretend there are no issues. Consciously ignore the warning. Subconsciously prepare your reasons, your excuses, your denials. If someone asks, get ready to fake it. Always be ready. Always a little on edge, a little defensive, a little ashamed that your inability to manage things has come to this. A red letter.
    If someone asks, shrug it off. It is not a problem. It is something that can be dealt with later. Really, despite the evidence, you have it all under control. No need to worry. Everything is fine, just fine.
    But no one asks.
    No one notices.
    No one really cares.
    It is just one warning, just one red letter.

Before Bedtime
    Sadness is a funny little thing
    It sneaks around behind the sofa
    And curls up in your lap when you relax
    It gets heavier as the lights go down
    Until you are afraid to move
    Just in case it wakes up
    Instead you let your legs grow numb
    Your