Read Playing for the Other Team for Free Online

worried I’d sound like an asshole, but eventually decided I had far more to lose if I stayed silent.
    “Shouldn’t we make the most of it, then?”
    “In theory, maybe,” he muttered as he sat up.
    “And in practice?”
    “In practice, I don’t want to get my heart broken, and I just got out of a relationship, and I’m not really…ready.” He reached for my hand and squeezed it. “This is so bittersweet, Bry. Three or four years ago, I wasn’t so careful, but I am now. I have to be. And that’s the moment when you finally notice me.”
    “I won’t hurt you.” I meant it wholeheartedly, but Jasper looked skeptical.
    “You won’t mean to. I know that. But, Bry, you’re gonna be struggling with this for a while. For the rest of the year, over the summer, all the way into college. And I’m willing to help you with that, but I can’t…” He sighed. “I’m not in a good spot right now, not for starting something that we both know can’t last. Can you understand that?”
    I swallowed my disappointment. It had been so good for just a small while. Jasper had kissed me and told me he wanted me, and now he’d taken it back again. But I supposed I deserved it. It was my own damn fault I had been living in denial for so long instead of figuring out my sexuality. I’d had my head in the sand, and the opportunity had passed me by.
    “Yes, I understand.” It hurt to say the words, and it hurt even more to see Jasper’s obvious relief. “But you’ll still help me deal with this?”
    “Yes. I promise I will.” He ran his fingers through my hair once more, which I thought wasn’t fair of him, since he had just established some very clear boundaries. I reached out for him in return and sank my hand into his thick brown strands. Suddenly there was a picture before my inner eye, of holding on to him like this while Jasper knelt in front of me, looking up at me as he—
    I barely suppressed a moan of longing, then loosened my grip hastily.
    Not what I need to think about right now.
    Jasper seemed to have noticed the tension as well. He pulled back his hand and cleared his throat, avoiding my eyes.
    “Sorry,” he muttered. “But trust me, it’s for the best. I’ve never even been with anyone that wasn’t out yet, and—”
    “Well, I am out now,” I protested.
    His eyebrows shot up. I suddenly got the distinct impression that he was trying not to laugh at me.
    “You’re not out. You’re starting to come out, sunshine. It’s a long process and not one you should rush. And it’s definitely not something you should do for my sake. You have to do that for yourself and at your own pace, you understand?” He gripped my arm hard. Somewhere in the middle of that short speech, he had turned dead serious.
    “Yeah,” I muttered reluctantly.
    “Good.” He relaxed his grip and brushed his thumb in silent apology over the spots he had bruised. “You owe that to yourself, Bry. Don’t do anything you’ll regret down the line.”
    Thanks, Mom.
    I swallowed the bitterness along with the sharp words at the tip of my tongue. No doubt Jasper was right. But that didn’t change my feelings for him, and it sure didn’t help that his advice sounded like a lecture to my ears. It pissed me off that I was upset about this and he apparently wasn’t nearly as bothered.
    “I won’t,” I assured him halfheartedly.
    The silence that followed made it only too clear that our moods had changed for the worse. I was too busy brooding to say anything more. Part of me wished that Jasper hadn’t kissed me at all. Now I knew what I was missing.
    Eventually, he sighed heavily and reached out, tousling my hair. “You should go have some fun out there,” he said. “We both should. It’s a good distraction.”
    “You’re gonna go back to cuddling with Rayna?” I asked darkly.
    It was dark enough that I couldn’t be sure, but I had a sneaking suspicion that he’d just rolled his eyes at me.
    “She has a vagina, sunshine,