Beautiful outside, but I can't concentrate on any of that. I keep my face free of any emotion. I know he hasn't moved his gaze an inch away from me since I sat down. He might, eventually, but right now he's intent on imploding the very fabric of my life.
The only thing that saves me are the years I've spent sitting in a courtroom or meetings as a seen-but-never-heard paralegal. Otherwise, I might have Samantha's outward reaction. Nate tracked me down. When I threw down the final gauntlet...how could I have known he'd see my brush-off as epic?
Well, okay... It was epic, I just didn't expect his reaction.
I say, “I need you to dig into your purse like you are looking for something important. I need to...collect myself.”
She frowns at the instructions. “Why wou—”
“ If you think for one moment he's not watching our every move...”
And because Samantha is that die-hard friend , she lifts her purse from the free seat beside her and starts to dig around.
“ I love you,” I say. “I love you with every snarky bit inside of me.”
Her cheeks bloom red at the compliment. “I do this in hopes of getting every detail out of you.”
Of course, but now I have time to cross my arms over my chest and will my nipples to stand down. They ache. He'd touched me. Held onto me, and whatever chant I had in my head about not fucking him, not being amused by him, never forgetting for one moment he's scum of the earth...that noise had dimmed. It was me and him as he claimed that small part of me.
It's six thousand shades of wrong. I'm a traitor. To my very core. What about Loraine? What happened to how he'd hurt her? Hell, to the certainty I will not become another one of his victims.
I wince. That's unfair. He may be a pig, but he seems like a guy who loves consent. Probably even loved being called Sir before breaking out a flogger. He probably doesn't utter a lie about the kind of relationship you'll have with him, and still he gets mad pussy.
Hell, look at me. I'm considering the dark side. Me, the woman who once told her second grade teacher I glimpsed a pop quiz for five seconds and couldn't, in good conscience, take the test.
That woman is tempted. The force is goddamn strong in him.
Samantha groans and stops pretending to search her purse. “That look.”
“ What look?”
“ The one you're wearing right now...” Samantha tilts her head up and stares at the coffee shop's ceiling for a long second. “I want you to really listen to me right now. Put aside I want to sit here with popcorn and watch you and Nathan spar.”
I open my mouth to argue all the reasons why the chemistry between Nate and I means jack shit. It's a no-go. He found me in Hartsburg. The city's not a metropolis, but it's big enough that up until now I have never seen him.
Given I put his hand up my skirt after knowing him for five seconds for revenge... I can't throw stones over crazy inappropriate behavior.
I nod. “It's put aside.”
“ Also put aside I'm an enabler with a mischievous streak.”
“ That's kind of a requirement to be my best friend.”
“ All that is a moot point. I think you should fuck him.”
Her words slam me back in my seat as I gape at her. “What? You know—”
She puts up her hands to waylay my rant. “I said hear me out, and don't say anything.”
How hard it is to clamp my mouth shut is why I have never quite fit into the BDSM lifestyle. Obey is a debatable term for me, but Samantha...I have no doubt she has my best interests at heart. She knows I sometimes struggle with day-to-day things. She's counseled me as much as I've been a sounding board for her. The only reason I'm at the coffee shop, in the morning, is that we keep each other sane, grounded. I've needed that like I've needed to breathe.
I flatten my palms against the table and nod. “I'm listening.”
She starts to tick off her fingers. “He's fuckable.”
“ I...” I shut my mouth.
She grins at me and looks like a pixie. Well, a