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in the middle of an episode when Dad said something to me and I came to with a start. I could feel my cheeks growing all red and hectic. Dad said, “What’s up?” which made me grow even redder and even more hectic! How could I possibly tell him? If he knew the thoughts that were going on inside my headhe would throw fifty fits on the spot. Dad has always been hugely protective. He likes the idea of boys fancying me, but he tends to get agitated if I actually go out with them. He once saw me holding hands with Aaron Taylor and it almost made him freak. It almost makes me freak, now, but I was only ten at the time … I hadn’t yet set eyes on Matt!!!
    I dressed
so
carefully the day he was due back. Well, I still had to wear school uniform, of course, but I hitched up the skirt a notch, cos regulation length is truly unflattering, even on me, and I’d washed my hair the night before so that it was all fluffy, and I knew that I was looking really good. Dad noticed. He said, “Who are you off to meet, all done up like a dog’s dinner?”
    “Just going to school,” I said.
    I shot out of the house ten minutes early and went whizzing fast as maybe up to the station. I had to let two trains come and go before Simon arrived. I bounced over to him, beaming. I look back, and I can
see
myself beaming. And I can hear myself gushing.
    “Hi! Where’s Matt?”
    Oh, God! Did I have
no
pride?
    “Isn’t he back yet? I thought he was due back!”
    That was when it became Black Monday. Doomsday. Dump day. Down-in-the-pits day.
Matt wasn’t there.
He wasn’t ever going to be there again – well, not at the station. He’d moved out to West Whitton to be with his dad.

    I think my face must visibly have fallen – Hattie always says that I am totally transparent – cos Simon very slowly and gently explained to me how Matt had been living with his mum for the past few years, but now his mum had married again and was moving up north, so Matt had opted to live with his dad rather than change schools.
    Foolishly, I blethered, “So he won’t be coming in with you any more?”
    Oh, pur
lease
! I remember that I went all weak and wobbly, like my bones had dissolved into some kind of jelly.
    Simon said no, he’d be getting the bus.
    “Oh, but won’t you miss him?” I bleated.
    I can still see the look Simon gave me. It is best described as
pitying.
I knew I was being utterly pathetic, but I just couldn’t seem to stop myself. I guess I was suffering from shock. I’d been so looking forward to seeing Matt again, and now he had gone and my life was empty.
    “He’s still at school,” said Simon.
    Yes, but not
my
school. I really felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world. I almost felt all over again that there was no point in carrying on with the struggle. (To gain merit marks, that is.) Originally I’d been all fired up cos of wanting to show Tanya. But then I’d seen Matt, and Tanya just didn’t figure any more. She just wasn’t an issue. The only reason for working hard, and being punctual, and changing my attitude and all the rest, was so that I could go to Founder’s Day with Matt as my partner. And now he wasn’t there and all incentive had vanished. If I couldn’t go with Matt, I didn’t want to go with anyone!
    I poured out my woes to Hattie, who listened patiently and did her best to cheer me up, telling me that all was not lost, and at least I had Simon. Ungraciously I wailed that I didn’t want Simon, I wanted Matt! Hattie told me that Simon was a link, and reminded me that the path of true love never did run smooth.
    “You have to fight for these things! They’re not just going to fall into your lap.”
    So then I felt a bit ashamed and apologised for being such a bore, but Hattie said that was all right. She said, “What are friends for?” It’s true that I would listen to Hattie if she were ever dealt a mortal blow, and I did try to buck my ideas up, but it was a really bad day. A
really
bad