see her again.
He’d had to try to make things right. He wasn’t a complex man and Lord knew he didn’t have any real idea of how a relationship should work, but having seen his buddies and their wives, Jay knew that it was possible for a guy to be a soldier and have a life outside the Corps.
“So you decided just to let me down and get it over with.”
In this respect she was right, although there had been so much more to the decision. Now he was paying for it. He wondered sometimes if he’d be just better off staying to himself. His dad had always said he was a lone wolf who wasn’t fit for socializing and at times like this Jay believed that. “I think we’ve both gone around this long enough. Tell me more about the woman you are today.”
She took a swallow of her wine and then gave him a half smile. He couldn’t stop staring at her mouth. She’d had some kind of lipstick on earlier, but during the meal it had worn off. And left just the natural color of her lips, which brought an image to his mind of her tight nipples.
Damn. He wanted her.
“I work, I meet friends at the beach, I go to my parents’ house for dinner. I have a normal life.”
“Are you happy?” he asked.
“Most of the time. What are you trying to ask me?”
“Am I screwing your life up again by coming back?” he asked, being as blunt as he could. “I didn’t think that you would be so—”
She laughed quietly, and this time not with the strained quality she’d had before. “So...what?”
“So real,” he said at last.
“How did you expect me to be?” she asked. Then she leaned her elbows on the table and looked him straight in the eye. “Vegas wasn’t real for either of us.”
“I know that now, but I didn’t at the time,” he admitted. He’d been seduced by the lights of Vegas and that attitude the city had of everything seeming possible. He’d felt the pull of Alysse so strongly he hadn’t thought beyond his time there and having her in his arms. And that had been a mistake because he’d ignored the fact that he wasn’t the kind of guy that women liked having around. His own mother had proven that point a long time ago.
Alysse put both hands on the table and continued looking at him. He knew she couldn’t see his eyes but he wondered what she was searching for in his face. He knew he was very good at not giving up anything, but he still wished that maybe she’d find whatever it was she needed to see.
“Why? Even I knew it was just a fantasy,” she said.
“I didn’t. If I don’t have a weapon in my hand and a target in my sights I don’t know what’s real,” he explained.
She sat back in her chair and he knew he hadn’t given her the answer she’d been wanting. Still, he didn’t have any explanation other than the truth. “Why did you take a chance on me if you knew that Vegas was all lights and make-believe?”
She tucked a strand of her long pretty hair behind her ear and nibbled on her lower lip. “I thought...I thought that after the glitter of Vegas faded away we’d still have the connection. I thought we’d formed a bond so quickly because it was real.”
Fair enough, he thought. Both of them were living their own fantasy and their perceptions had led to...him leaving. Not her actions, she couldn’t have been more perfectly suited to him during that weekend.
“Where do we go from here?” she asked.
“We’re going to date. Real dating. To see if our bond was real,” he said.
Alysse shook her head and pushed back from the table. She paced to the edge of the cabana where she looked out at the shore. Waves gently lapped on the beach.
He stood up and walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged his hand away and he realized for the hundredth time what a monumental task he’d set for himself.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I’m not sure I can do this,” she said. “I know that I have said that before but the more time I spend with
Louis - Hopalong 0 L'amour