the night. Tonight, however, there was an addition to my dream.
Her.
Evangeline.
Her name is soft on my tongue and I say it aloud, quietly in the darkness of my suite. Shadows fall around me, against my walls and my bed, but that is fine. I enjoy it that way. I belong in them. I have known that since I was small and as long as I am awake, I feel comfortable there.
I reach for a glass on my bed stand and take a big gulp of water, allowing the sleep to fade away so that I can think more clearly.
I am intrigued by this new woman, by her open and curious face, by her interesting eyes, by her beauty.
I want her. This dream was a testament to that. And I haven’t wanted anything for a very long time.
The knowledge is startling.
I can’t fool myself into thinking that her beauty does not play a part in my fascination. Of course it does. She is breathtaking. But it isn’t just that. She’s smart and confident in a way that I haven’t quite seen before. She’s a very capable person. Except when she’s dealing with a spider.
I smile at the memory and realize that I’m once again gripping my pillow. I release it, tossing it to the other side of the bed. I flex my fingers and as I do I see that there is blood beneath my fingernails.
I cringe, the familiar horror lodged in my chest, surrounding my heart. I numbly rise from bed and walk quietly into my bathroom, scrubbing my hands as vigorously as I can. I’m surprised I don’t take the skin from the bone, but it remains firmly attached to my hand. It wouldn’t matter to me either way at this point.
I stare into the mirror and like always, I don’t like what I see. I saw my reflection in Evangeline’s horrified stare. She saw me for what I am. I don’t give a fuck if it was a dream. She can see through me.
I look away and dry my hands, then slide down the tiled wall until I am resting against the cool stone. I lay my head back and close my eyes. I’m very weary. Not tired, but weary. And there is a difference.
But as I sit with my eyes closed, her face passes through my mind yet again. Her smile flashes in my memory and I suddenly find myself wanting to meet with her again, even though I shouldn’t.
I know where she lives. I could swing by unannounced and bring her a bottle of wine as a welcome to Malta gift. I could check to see if she has had any more uninvited spider guests. I could… do nothing.
I can’t.
I can’t endanger her in such a way.
And suddenly, I feel my reality crushing upon me in a way that I haven’t felt in years. I have long since reconciled myself with my life. But now, tonight, it seems too great a burden to bear.
And try as I might not to think of her, I fall asleep sprawled on the bathroom floor thinking of her gray-green eyes.
Chapter Five
Eva
I decide to take the bus into town. I’m not sure why, but I know that if I don’t expose myself to people from the very beginning, I might be inclined to become a hermit in my little shore-side cottage. And the entire reason I am here is to finish up my research, an endeavor that will involve people.
On the trip to town, I sit next to an older woman and as we chat, I compile my list of her traits in my head. Beaten down by life, tired, negative.
I decide that I don’t like her energy. She’s very jaded and worn-out, and I know that nothing in this life will make her happy. I have already decided that I won’t be following up with her by the time she gets off at the next stop. By this time, I also realize that I don’t much like the bus. There are babies crying, people coughing and an overwhelming stench of body odor. I fight the urge to pull my shirt up over my nose.
I feel like a witch, but I haven’t eaten anything for breakfast and the smell is threatening to turn my stomach. I’m headed to the market to buy supplies for my kitchen, but I’m going to have