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around, the being able to talk
to each other about anything, the always having each others' back. All of that
had been perfectly fine with him. But now, it was ruined. Ruined by her beauty,
or possibly ruined by his lack of ability to control his reaction to her
beauty. Either way, ruined.
    He had fallen in love with
her in that moment 11 years ago, and there was no going back.
    Obviously he hadn't acted on
it. That would have been inexcusable. Forget the fact that it would have been a
crime. More importantly, it would have been a betrayal. The one thing in the
world that Justin knew, even at that young age, is that he would rather die
than betray Amanda and Parker Jacobs.
    So, every single day, he
kept his emotions locked down. He strictly monitored every facial expression,
every word, every tone, every gesture, making sure that his true feelings never
shone through. One would think that he could have luxuriated in the fantasy of
what could be between the two of them after they were both adults, on equal
footing, but that was a luxury he never allowed himself, not for one moment. It
would have been disrespectful, and moreover, dangerous. You can't maintain
iron-willed control over a passion as fiery as Justin's when you let your
dedication to the task slip for even a millisecond. The only way that Justin
could make it through day after heady day in Amanda's presence was to make
himself believe with his entire heart, soul, and mind that they could never be
together.
    If there were ever even a
tiny chink in the steel armor of that belief, armor that he spent every single
day and especially night fortifying, Justin didn't know if he could control the
flood of emotion that would come rushing through. Much like a giant dam held
back by a single wall, the entire structure needed to remain sound in order to
hold back the tidal wave of destruction that would result from even the
smallest crack.
    And now he was seeing her
again, for the first time in a decade, a long decade during which he had missed
her every day.
    It wasn't like she was all he thought about, obviously. He had gone on to create a life for himself. He
had friends, a job, even relationships. But if he had said that even a single
day had gone by in ten years when there wasn't at least a moment - one small
moment - when something had reminded him of Amanda and he had felt a
bittersweet longing inside, well, that would have been a bald-faced lie.
    And now he was actually in
the same room with her. His entire body thrummed with that knowledge. He felt
the electric reality of it sizzling through every cell of his being.
    He had no illusions that
this was going to be some joyous reunion of childhood chums. No. She probably
wanted to kill him.
    She had probably been
planning his demise since Henry had told her that he was coming to her father's
will reading. He deserved it.
    She had only been a child,
only 17, when she had breathlessly confessed her teenage crush to him. What he
should have done was calmly explain that their age difference made it
impossible, but that he was immensely flattered, and that she was amazing, so
it was nothing to do with her, and sent her away with her dignity intact. In
short, he should have handled the situation with some maturity.
    But, because of his own
powerful feelings for her and his yearlong campaign to keep them under strict
control, that was not what he had been able to do. No, he had yelled at her.
Yelled! Screamed, even. He, who would never want to hurt her - who would die
rather than hurt her - had sent her running away from him in tears.
    And now that she was seeing
him again, the very next time she was laying eyes on him after that long ago
humiliation, she had gotten so upset that she dropped her tray, and didn't even
seem to notice. Damn, Justin, he berated himself silently. You just cannot stop
upsetting this girl!
    He tried to imagine what she
would do next. Would she walk up to him and slap him? That was fine. He
deserved