Read Obsessed: America's Food Addiction--And My Own for Free Online Page B

trained myself not to touch it, not to get anywhere near it.
    Still, I am far from conquering my problem with food. The attraction remains powerful. I continue to send a lot of contradictory messages to myself. I try to listen to the one that says, Stay away. This will make me fat. Don’t eat this . But occasionally I am swayed by the one that says, God, I want to eat all of that . That voice is still there, too, and I still have relapses.
    I have a tightly regulated way of eating because I simply don’t trust myself to eat reasonable portions of certain foods. Some nutritionists think my diet needs more repair, and I’ll be honest—I am frequently on the edge of hunger. I still exercise to a degree that some people might term compulsive. Achieving a healthy thin is a continuing struggle for me, and I expect it always will be. I envy people who are much more comfortablethan I am in their attitudes toward food and body image. I wish I could relax my approach toward food a bit. That’s Diane’s challenge to me, and I’m trying.
    But my life is so much better than it once was. My strict approach largely works for me, at least for now. I look at my weight goals this way: I run a business that I know as “Mika, Inc.,” and it runs on the fuel of being thin and healthy and energetic. That’s the juice that inspires me and keeps me going.
    In Knowing Your Value , I urge women to send a clear and commanding message about who they are and what they are worth. You can’t do that if the message is a lie. For the bulk of my career I thought the only thing that mattered was being thin. I thought that thin equals success. It took me a long time to realize that it’s not enough just to look good. That image won’t last unless you are healthy on every level, and honest and transparent about what it took to get you to that place. That honesty will give you a sense of peace and clarity, along with the confidence you need to do the job before you, and to be recognized for your accomplishments.
    For me, it has been a matter of getting the message I send others in sync with the message I send myself. My outward appearance and my internal sense of self are finally coming together. I feel a lot more sure of my value, not only in terms of dollars and cents, but in terms of my own self-worth. What you see now on Morning Joe is a woman who isn’t hiding anymore. I know who I am, and I think I look better now than I ever did, because I am more able to be myself.
    Virginia Cha, that journalist–beauty queen who took the news anchor job I thought should have been mine, taught me a lesson that has stuck with me to this day: you have to look atwhat you have to offer and feel good about it, instead of being consumed by what other people do or have. It took me a long time to figure that out.

    Friends of mine in many walks of life agree that when you walk into a room looking good, you are sending a message about yourself that says “I have my act together.” There is research to suggest that carrying extra weight sends an opposite message. Overweight women are generally viewed by their employers as less disciplined, less emotionally stable, and less desirable employees. A study published in the Cardozo Journal of Law & Gender showed that 60 percent of overweight women report being discriminated against in the workplace. 1
    The impact on the pocketbook is stark, too. People who are obese have a harder time finding jobs and are less likely to be promoted than their thinner counterparts. And whatever work they find pays less. “Women who are obese earn about six percent less than thinner women for exactly the same work performed. Obese men earn about three percent less than thinner men,” concludes Rebecca Puhl, PhD, of the Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity at Yale University.
    Actually, these numbers might even be more dramatic than Puhl estimates. I have also seen a study that concludes heavier women may face a penalty of as much as 11