into playing all the harmonies and assuming weâll be able to pick our parts out ourselves. (God, where did these girls learn to pick these out themselves? Like, I can read music, I took piano when I was a kid, where are my superpowers?)
I reach for one of our highest notes and my voice breaks. Carolina next to me screws up her own note by laughing, ha ha .
I buckle down and get through Mendel, because after this Iâm singing whatever I damn well please.
â¢Â  â¢Â  â¢
It would be nice if I had any idea what that was.
Mason says, âMaybe itâll help you, not having something specific in mind. Means you can go in there all open to anything at that first audition and not be thinking, but I could sing my song so much better .â
âWhat kind of stuff do they usually pick?â Weâre back in the practice room, and this time thereâs someone older than us coaching some people by the blackboard, and some people are listening and some people are off on their own, and then thereâs me and Mason stretched out on the floor because why not. James is looking through a songbook, Bianca flitting by his shoulder and flipping back and forth between different pages, pointing stuff out, making him nod.
Mason says, âSomething hard, usually.â
âOh, good!â
He laughs. âItâs all about attitude at this stage. Show you deserve to be there, and theyâll believe you. The people auditioning you at this point are some low-level volunteers. Youâll be fine.â
âAre you nervous?â
He shrugs. Well, all right, thank you for keeping the conversation going, Mason. Heâs damn lucky heâs cute.
Bianca laughs, louder than she talks, and slips a little on the floor. I canât believe I thought that girl was a dancer.
Mason smiles a little and stretches. Heâs slim, not skinny,white and broad-shouldered and big-eyed. Heâs the kind of guy who I bet would look great onstage, and maybe thatâs the kind of thing he thinks about. âSheâs such a dork.â
âDid you ever . . .â
He says âWhat?â like he genuinely has no clue how that sentence ends, come on, kid.
âYou and Bianca.â
âMe and Bianca ? Like . . . as a thing? No no no no, God, I need to, like borax my brain now.â
âCome on, sheâs cute.â
âSheâs fourteen, and Iâve known her since she was three. Sheâs like my little sister.â
âHow long has she been . . .â
âYeah. I donât know. I didnât notice until last year. James says itâs been going on longer than that. It wasnât exactly something he talked about. She was always skinny and sheâs been weird about food since she was little, always saying stuff gave her stomachaches and she wasnât hungry and asking for diet soda in her kiddie cup at restaurants. I donât know. I donât get how all this works, I guess.â
âThe eating disorder thing?â
âYeah, just . . . you know. Why?â
âWe go through tons and tons of therapy trying to figure out âwhy.â Everyone wants it to be this same exact reason for everybody, like, oh, shit, if only I hadnât eaten that house paint in 2002 Iâd be eating like a normal person! â
âYou stupid kid.â
âRight?â
He smiles. At me.
âSo howâs she doing?â I ask.
âI donât know. I guess since sheâs doing group and stuff, weâre all supposed to talk about how well sheâs doing, but sheâs still not eating, so I guess Iâm kind of failing to see what the big deal about group is.â
âYeah, they donât force-feed you unless you do inpatient.â
âBut you . . . I mean, you eat.â
Iâm going to choose to believe that heâs getting that from the fact that I ate last night and not