whatâs the treatment plan?â my dad asked in that hearty, fake voice he used when someone had just said something awkward.
âWe have a few options.â Ryder clicked his pen. âUsually, weâd go in and take the mass out, then repeat the MRI to see if thereâs a need for radiation. But this tumor is in the rostral area of the brain, a place we donât like to operate. Iâd rather shrink it with radiation and then do another scan to see where we stand.â He was watching my father in an intense way that made me think they were peers, equals. Where was the boy who said heâd wear shorts to work and give his patients lollipops? Ever since I could remember, Ryder had wanted to be a pediatrician who made kidsâ tummy aches feel better. Not a brain surgeon operating on adults who were probably going to die anyway. âIf necessary, Iâll go in and remove whatâs left of the tumor after radiation.â
âBut normally youâd do surgery first,â I said. Normally.
Ryderâs smile was somehow comforting and condescending all at once. âYes, normally Iâd operate right away. But normally a meningioma would be in the temporal lobe, away from all the important stuff. So Iâd like to see if we can radiate the area daily for eight weeks and then repeat the scan. Meanwhileââhe shifted his gaze to my fatherââI donât want you driving or doing anything even remotely risky. Just lay low while we work on this thing.â
If Will were here, itâd be so much easier, I realized. Weâd get coffee somewhere, talk about what we were going to do. Heâd kept us all together, a hinge of humor and invincibility that made sure we didnât fall apart.
âNo driving for eight weeks?â Jamie blinked quickly. She never cried, and I silently dared her to cry now, dared her to steal this moment. But she wrapped her fingers around my dadâs. âIâm supposed to leave for San Paulo in five days.â
Is this why sheâd wanted me to come home? To take care of my dad so she didnât have to? âIâve got it, Jamie,â I said coldly.
âWell.â She used her hurt little girl voice. âI just meanâ¦â She looked at Ryder. âDo you think I should go orâ¦â
âOf course you should go,â my dad said. âIâve got Jensen here.â He squeezed my shoulder again.
âBut Jensen canât drive at night,â Jamie said. âShe canât see in the dark anymore.â
âOh, right.â My father tousled my hair while I sat there wanting to punch her in the head. âWell, I have Luke and Sid andâ¦â His voice trailed off.
âWeâll take care of him,â I said, sitting back against my dad. âGo.â I crossed my arms over my chest. âJust go.â
âJamie, if I were you,â Ryder said, setting the chart down, keeping eye contact with her, âIâd stick around. Nothing is ever sure in a case like this.â The room felt charged, tense. She took a package of tissues out of her pocketbook.
âMy beautiful girls,â my dad said. âThis is good news. I could have been given my walking papers today.â I listened for an edge of sarcasm in his voice, but he was smiling, really smiling. âI feel like skydiving!â
Ryder cleared his throat. âSlow down, Sterling. Your prognosis is excellent. Youâll probably outlive us all. But I want you to rest. Thereâs no need to kill yourself jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.â He flipped through his calendar book. âIâve already scheduled an appointment for you with the radiation oncologist. In the meantime, if the blood tests tell us anything different, Iâll let you know. Questions?â
My mind was in a freeze. I had a feeling Ryder hadnât told us the whole truth. I wanted him to guarantee that the tumor would