Read Never Too Far for Free Online Page B

understood.Shemighthavecomeinmyhousebutshecouldn’twalkinthereandfacethings.
    Not yet. Maybe never. “He may have been my excuse to get into the car with Bethy,” she pausedandletoutasigh,“buthewasgonewhenIgothere.Istayedforotherreasons.I…I needtotalktoyou.”
    She’dcomeheretotalktome.Haditbeenenoughtime?IusedeveryounceofwillpowerI possessedtostandstillandnotgopullherintomyarms.Ididn’tcarewhatshehadtosay.The factshewantedtoseemewasenough.“I’mgladyoucame,”Isaidsimply.
    The small frown was back and Blaire wouldn’t look directly at me. “Things are still the same.Ihaven’tbeenabletoletitgo.I’llneverbeabletotrustyou.Even…evenifIwantto.I can’t.”
    Whatthefuckdidthatmean?Thepoundinginmyearsgrewstronger.
    “I’mleavingSumit.Ican’tstaythere.I’vegottomakeitonmyown.”
    What? “AreyoumovinginwithBethy?”Iasked,wonderingifIwasstillasleepandthiswas adream.
    “No.Iwasn’tgoingto.ButthismorningItalkedwithBethyandIthoughtmaybeifIsaw
    youandtalkedtoyouandfaced…thisI’dbeabletostaywithherforawhile.Itwouldn’tbe permanent;I’llleaveinacouplemonths.JustuntilIhavetimetodecidewhereIamgoingto gonext.”
    Shewasstillplanningonleaving.Ineededtochangethat.Ihadacoupleofmonthsifshe stayedhere.Forthe irsttimesinceshe’dtoldmetoleavethehotelroomIhadhope.“Ithink that’s smart. No reason to make a rash decision when you have an option right here.” She couldstayinmyhouseforfree.Inmybed.Withme.ButIcouldn’tofferthat.She’dneveragree.
    Blaire

    “I’ll be working at the club. We’ll… uh… see each other on occasion. I’d get a job somewhere else but I need the money the club pays.” I was explaining this to myself as much as I was explaining it to Rush. I hadn’t been sure exactly what I was going to say when I showed up here. I just knew I had to face him. At first Bethy had begged me to tell him about the pregnancy. However, after she’d heard exactly what happened with my father and Nan and her mother that day she hadn’t been as Team Rush as before. She agreed that there was no need to tell him anything right away.
    WorkingupenoughnervetodrivebacktothishouseafterthewayI’dleftonlythreeanda halfweeksagohadbeenhard.Thehopethatmyheartwouldn’treactwhenIsawRush’sface hadbeenfutile.MychesthadconstrictedsobadlyithadbeenawonderIcouldbreathe.Much lessspeak.Iwaspregnantwithhisbaby…ourbaby.Butthelies.Thedeceit.Whohewas.Allof thatkeptmefromsayingthewordsthathedeservedtohear.Icouldn’t.Itwaswrong.Iwas being sel ish. I knew it. That didn’t change anything. The baby I was carrying might never know him. I couldn’t let the way I felt about him cloud my decisions for my future… or my baby’sfuture.Myfather,hismotherandhissisterwouldneverbeapartofmybaby’slife.I wouldn’tallowit.Icouldn’t.
    “Ofcourse.Yeah,workingattheclubisgoodmoney.”Hestoppedandranahandthrough
    his hair. “Blaire, nothing has changed. Not for me. You don’t need my permission.This is exactlywhatIwant.Havingyouhereagain.Seeingyourface.God,baby,Ican’tdothis.Ican’t pretendI’mnotfuckingthrilledyou’restandinginmyhouserightnow.”
    Icouldn’tlookathim.Notnow.Ihadn’tbeenexpectinghimtosayanyofthosethings.The stilted nervous conversation was more of what I expected. It was what I wanted. My heart couldn’ttakeanythingelse.“Ineedtogo,Rush.Ican’t,Ijustwantedtomakesureyouwere goodwithmebeingintown.I’llkeepmydistance.”
    RushmovedsofastIdidn’trealizeituntilhewasstandingbetweenmeandthedoor.“I’m sorry.Iwastryingtobecool.IwastryingtobecarefulbutIcracked.I’lldobetter.Ipromise.
    GotoBethy’s.ForgetwhatIjustsaid.I’llbegood.Ipromise.Just…justdon’tleave.Please.”
    WhatdidIsaytothat?He’dmanagedtomakemewanttocomforthim.Toapologizeto
    him.Hewaslethaltomyemotionsandgoodsense.Distance.Weneededdistance.Inodded
    andsteppedaroundhim.“I’ll…uh…probablyseeyouaround.”Imanagedtocroakoutbefore openingthedoorandsteppingoutsidethehouse.
    I didn’t look back but I knew he was watching me leave. It was the only