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mightaswellbedead.Sothisstorywasjustasmuchmineasitwashers.Maybemoreso.
    IliftedmyheadandlookedupatBethy.ShewasmyonefriendintheworldandifIwas
    goingtotellthisstorythenshewaswhoIwantedtotellitto.
    Rush

    It had been three weeks, four days and twelve hours since I’d seen her. Since she’d torn my heart out.
    If I had been drinking, I’d blame it on the alcohol. It had to be an illusion, a desperate one. But I hadn’t been drinking. Not a drop. There was no mistaking Blaire. It was her. She was actually here.Blaire was back in Rosemary. She was at my house.
    I’dspent ivehourslastnightdrivingalloverthedamnplacesearchingforBethyhoping she’dleadmetoBlaire.ButIhadn’tfoundeitherofthem.Cominghomeandadmittingdefeat hadbeenpainful.IhadconvincedmyselfBethywasstillinSumitwithBlaire.Thatmaybethe textfromBethyhadbeenadrunkentextandnothingmore.
    Isoakedinthesightofher.ShewasthinnerandIdidn’tlikeit.Wasshenoteating?Hadshe beensick?
    “Hello,Rush,”shesaid,breakingthesilence.Thesoundofhervoicealmostsentmetomy knees.God,I’dmissedhervoice.
    “Blaire,”Imanagedtosay,terrifiedthatI’dscareherawayjustbyspeaking.
    Shereachedupandwrappedastrandofherhairaroundher ingerandtuggedonit.She
    was nervous. I didn’t like that I was making her nervous. But what could I do to make this easier?“Canwetalk?”sheaskedsoftly.
    “Yeah.”Isteppedbacktoletherin.“Comeinside.”
    Shepausedandglancedpastmetowardthehouse.Thefearandpain lashinginhereyes
    had me silently cursing myself. She’d been hurt here. Her world had been destroyed in my house. Dammit .Ididn’twanthertofeelthiswayaboutmyhouse.Notwhenthereweregood memoriesheretoo.
    “Areyoualone?”sheasked.Hereyesshiftedbacktome.
    Shedidn’twanttoseemymomorherdad.Igotitnow.Itwasn’tthehouse.“Iforcedthem toleavethedayyouleft,”Ireplied,watchinghercarefully.
    Hereyeswentwide.Whydidthissurpriseher?Didn’tshegetit?Shecame irst.I’dtoldher asmuchinthathotelroom.“Oh.Ididn’tknow…”shetrailedoff.Webothknewshedidn’tknow becauseshe’dcutmefromherlife.
    “It’sjustme.ExceptforGrant’soccasionalvisits,it’salwaysjustme.”SheneededtoknowI hadn’tmovedon.Iwasn’tmovingon.
    BlairewalkedintothehouseandIclenchedmyhandsinto istsasherfamiliarsweetscent followedher.SomanynightsI’dsathereanddreamedofseeingherwalkbackintomylife.My world.
    “CanIgetyousomethingtodrink?”Iasked,thinkinghowIreallywantedtobeghertotalk tome.Tostaywithme.Toforgiveme.
    Blaireshookherheadandturnedaroundtolookatme.“No.I’mgood.I…Ijust…Iwasin
    townandwell…”ShescrunchedhernoseandIfoughttheurgetoreachoverandtouchher
    face.“DidyouhitCain?”
    Cain. Shit . She knew about Cain. Was she here to talk about Cain? “He asked things he shouldn’thave.Saidthingsheshouldn’thave,”Irepliedthroughmyclenchedteeth.
    Blairesighed.“Icanonlyimagine,”shemumbledandshookherhead.“I’msorryhecame
    here.Hedoesn’tthinkthingsthrough.Hejustactsonimpulse.”Shewasn’tdefendinghim.She wasapologizingforhim.Thatwasn’therjob.Thestupidfuckerwasn’therresponsibilityor herfault.
    “Don’tapologizeforhim,Blaire.Itmakesmewanttohunthisassdown,”Igrowled,unable tocontrolmyreaction.
    “It’smyfaulthewashere,Rush.That’swhyI’mapologizing.Iupsethimandheassumedit wasallbecauseofyousohecamerunningherebeforetalkingthingsoutwithme.”
    Talkingthingsoutwithher?WhatthefuckdidCainneedtotalkoutwithher?“Heneedsto backoff.Ifhesomuchas—
    “Rush.Calmdown.Weareoldfriends.Nothingmore.ItoldhimsomethingsI’veneededto
    say for a long time. He didn’t like it. I was cruel but I needed to say them. I was tired of protectinghisfeelings.Hepushedmetoofar.That’sallitwas.”
    Itookadeepbreathbutthepoundinginmyheadhadgottenlouder.
    “Did you come to see him?” I needed to know if that was why she was here. If this had nothingtodowithmemyheartneededtodealwithit.
    Blaire walked over toward the steps instead of going into the living room. I noticed it. I