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down the stairs. I'm standing on the front porch in an oversized shirt with no panties, having what I keep promising myself is my last cigarette. It might not be good for the baby, but it also wouldn't be good for her or him if I were to die from a heart attack either.
    “No, Beth,” I say as I watch Chuck put a claw into the tip of Angelica's nose. The dog yelps and comes crawling over to me for protection. “It's pretty fucking easy. The rubber goes over that hard bit between their legs, and when they cum, it traps their baby sauce.”
    “Never, that's disgusting,” she tells me, and I can just imagine her hiding outside on the porch the same way as me, glancing around to make sure none of the kids can hear our conversation. Especially the cursing bits.
    “Or I could've just popped a pill. It really isn't that hard.”
    “It's … complicated. Boys like Ty … ” I know her mind is drifting to Danny Delphino, but he is nowhere near Tyson Monroe McCabe. Not even freaking close. If Ty's a stallion, Mr. Delphino would rank right up around the status of donkey fucker.
    “They burn like fire? Curl tendrils of smoke around your logical mind and choke it to death?” Beth laughs, but I don't think it's very funny. Not that I really blame Ty. I mean, come on. This was an inevitable conclusion with a predictable outcome. “So what do I do?”
    “You know I can't answer that question for you,” she tells me, and I know, somehow, that she's thinking of our mother, wondering where we'd be if Angelica had done a better job by us.
    “Beth, I suck at being a mom.”
    “I don't believe that for an instant,” she says as my hand drops and traces my dog's velvety ear. She seems to sense that something is wrong and sits right on my feet, looking up at me with her head tilted to one side, leaning into my stroking fingers. “It's all about love. You know that. Just be the opposite of mom, and you'll be alright.” Beth chuckles, but I don't.
    “How is everyone?” I ask, phone tucked between my ear and shoulder, so I can hold my cigarette. I stare at it for awhile and imagine what Beth would say if she knew. I'm pretty damn sure she'd crucify me. Suddenly, I hear footsteps on the stairs and end up chucking the burning cherry through the air. It spins end over end and comes to rest on the pathway leading up the house. “Shit, sorry, hold that thought. I gotta go.” I hang up before she can answer and rush down the steps, bending down to grab the cig and snub it out in the gravel.
    “Um, can I respectfully ask that you get your ass the fuck over here?” Ty asks, looking at me bent over with no panties on in the front yard. Oops. I stand up and throw him a glare, walking back to the porch nonchalantly.
    “What's your problem?”
    “My problem,” he says, coming down to meet me, grabbing me around the waist with one arm and hiking my shirt up so the cool air kisses my naked cheeks. “Is that I don't want any motherfuckers driving down the block and scoping out my wife's tight, little ass.”
    “Say it again,” I warn him as he drags me close, presses his mouth to my temple and exhales in a hiss. My body goes limp. See, this is what he does to me. I can't think. Okay, well I can think but only about him bending me over right here and now and fucking the shit out me. Condoms? What condoms?
    “ Wife ,” he growls and my heart thumps painfully against my chest, comes up against my ribs to meet his. I can hear it pounding from here. He breathes molten lava against my neck, teasing my jaw with his teeth, kissing my mouth so hard that it hurts. A car drives by, and I'm pretty damn sure it slows down. I would, too, I think if I saw too gnarly little demons making out in the front yard – one, shirtless, the other, pant-less.
    I push away and close my eyes, trying to contain myself.
    “The baby?” I ask him, keeping my gaze focused on the screen door.
    “Awake and ready to see you,” he says in his charcoal voice. We don't