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thoughts aren't just my own. Usually, I like it. Right now, I want to stab him with a miswak. Sorry, toothbrush. A sharp one.
    “You're kidding, right?” I ask him. He's asking, but he doesn't seem surprised, not really. “And how is it you're not upset about this?” Ty looks at the test and takes a drag on his cig. When I crawl across the bathroom floor and try to snatch it from him, he keeps his fingers tight.
    “Never.” I drop my hand with a groan and lean my head against his bare belly. I hear a fizzle and a plop as he tosses the cig into the toilet.
    “We're so stupid,” I moan as Ty's hand strokes my hair softly. His bracelets tinkle with each movement, lighting up the room with a metallic chorus. “Like, on the verge of being mentally handicapped.”
    “Nah, baby,” he says, pulling me into him, squeezing me tight. I still think he smells like danger, pain, heartache, but it's intoxicating, so I don't mind. “When we're around each other, we just get lost in each other. That's not a crime, is it?”
    “I don't want another baby.”
    Ty thinks about this for a moment.
    “Okay,” he tells me, but he doesn't sound sure. I snuggle into him hard, force him to hold me up, to take care of me. I feel bad, but it's been a long time since I had someone to do it, and he seems willing enough. I guess maybe I should be comforting him, too, but he doesn't seem upset. Oh yeah, and his tits don't hurt. I put two hands over my stomach and try to breathe. “Whatever you want, I'll be there for you.” I hear a frown in his voice. “But I can tell you a secret?”
    “If it isn't about condoms, I don't want to hear it.”
    Ty laughs at this.
    “I like you being pregnant.”
    “Oh, for fuck's sake,” I say. I try to sit up for maximum glaring capability, but he won't let me go. Ty will Never let me go. “You want me barefoot and pregnant, dropping babies across the floor as I clean?”
    “Oh no, fuck that. All I'm saying is, I like knowing I've got all of you.”
    “You'll always have all of me,” I tell him. The words sound lovey-dovey, but they're not. Right now, I'm just irritated. I do my best to keep the wetness of my tears off Ty's stomach, but a few stray ones fall anyway.
    “I know. I just like the proof, you know? Makes me feel all manly and shit.”
    “You're an asshole.”
    “But an asshole that loves the fuck out of you.”
    “I want an abortion.” Ty pauses for a moment, and I can tell he doesn't. But if that's what I want, he'll help me through it. I know he will. “Maybe. Or not. I don't know. I don't want to make this decision.”
    “And for that, I really am sorry.” His voice is grave when he says this. A few silent moments pass before either of us speaks again. “But you're just so damn cute.” He's trying to make a joke. I appreciate that, but I don't laugh. I can't. Not when I'm this angry with myself. What's the saying? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
    Unprotected sex = babies. That's life. That's nature.
    “If you do want to have the baby, know that I'll take the load off of you however I can.”
    “I want to go back to school,” I whisper. Ty's lips come down and meet the edge of my forehead, brushing against my hair, bringing goose bumps to my skin.
    “No more fucking around,” he promises. “We'll come up with a game plan. Everything will be okay. There's no way it couldn't be. Long as I'm with you, the world can go fuck itself.”
    I want to believe him. I do. I do, but I can't. Not yet.
    There are still a lot of things that could go wrong. So many, many things.

7
    “Never, what were you fucking thinking?”
    I hear a slap as Beth cups a hand over her mouth and drops her voice to a whisper.
    “I'm sorry,” she says quickly. “I have no room to talk, really. It's … I know it's harder than it sounds.” I sneak a drag of my cigarette and look over my shoulder to make sure that Ty's not on his way