Read Needle for Free Online Page B

and whispered, “Enter the darkness of the closet, my brother. Escape the artificial light and become one of the truly enlightened .”
    I knew there’d be no way he could refuse an invitation like that. He immediately dropped the phone and entered the closet seeking divine truth and understanding amidst my dirty socks and underwear.
    I carried on the conversation with Troy for some time discussing the monkey, until Helmer finally exited the closet mentioning something about The Cheshire Cat. Meanwhile, Alan was growing a bit restless and suggested that we head out for some munchies. I had absolutely no interest in eating, but decided to accompany him since Helmer was determined to remain indoors and wax philosophical about the cat.
    We ended up at a bodega on 79 th Street and Lexington Avenue. Once inside, Alan stumbled upon a large bag of Cool Ranch Doritos but reacted as if he’d just uncovered the Dead Sea Scrolls.
    “Dude! They’ve got Cool Ranch! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!!!” he bellowed.
    Now, by nature Alan was a little odd, but then again—we all were. However, his reaction to the bag of chips was a bit troubling, especially since he was supposed to be the one who wasn’t tripping.
    “I can’t believe they have Cool Ranch,” he continued. “Cool Fucking Ranch! Unbelievable!!! There is only one true chip and its name is Cool Ranch. All praises be to the Cool Ranch.”
    The store’s Asian proprietor was clearly becoming uncomfortable, and I once again saw all the signs of a bad trip developing. Then, as Alan stood in the middle of the store looking for Cool Ranch disciples to lead to the Promised Land, I noticed the blue bag of Doritos was beginning to undulate. Unfortunately, Alan seemed not to notice and instead went on extolling the virtues of this noble snack chip.
    “Craig—you know Cool Ranch rules, right?!?”
    I couldn’t answer him. I was transfixed by the bag of chips which continued to bend with successive waves in alternate patterns and directions. However, as Alan patiently awaited my response, I realized that the bag of Doritos was now not only undulating—but also growing in dimension. Suddenly, the printed words, “Cool Ranch” sprung toward me in a menacing, holographic fashion—and then completely detached themselves from the bag. They lingered in the air for a moment and soon began encircling Alan, almost as if they were laying claim to him.
    “Yo dude, what’s wrong with you?” he asked.
    “I can’t talk right now.”
    The bag of Doritos was clearly attempting to exploit my friend’s complete and utter devotion to it by stealing away his very life force to accomplish its own evil agenda. Yes…that sounded about right, but it was just too much for me to deal with. I dropped my juice box and ran out into the street.
    I headed back in the direction of the apartment, and as a calm began to settle over me I thought it might be nice to finish up the trip in Central Park. Within minutes I arrived at the park and sat myself down on one of the benches that lined its perimeter. It was close to 11 p.m., so foot traffic was limited. I stared out into the darkness for a moment and could tell my trip was winding down.
    After a few minutes passed, a well dressed older man approached me and introduced himself. Without much delay, and after about 30 seconds of small talk he said, “Hey, buddy—my wife’s on a business trip. Not for nothin’ but uhhh…You wouldn’t be interested in giving me a blowjob—would ya?”
    Not for nothin’? What the fuck does that mean?! And what an incredible buzz-kill.
    Personally, I have nothing against homosexuals. People have no control over their sexual orientations and I’m a steadfast supporter of the ‘live and let live’ sentiment. I truly believe what goes on amongst two consenting adults is nobody else’s business, and I have many gay friends that are near and dear to me. As a matter of fact and somewhat surprisingly, I often find I have a great