Read My Man Jeeves for Free Online Page A

time that ought to have been spread over about ten years, and I didn't wonder at his wanting to be pretty busy. I should have been just the same in his place. Still, there was no denying that it was a bit thick. If it hadn't been for the thought of Lady Malvern and Aunt Agatha in the background, I should have regarded Motty's rapid work with an indulgent smile. But I couldn't get rid of the feeling that, sooner or later, I was the lad who was scheduled to get it behind the ear. And what with brooding on this prospect, and sitting up in the old flat waiting for the familiar footstep, and putting it to bed when it got there, and stealing into the sick–chamber next morning to contemplate the wreckage, I was beginning to lose weight. Absolutely becoming the good old shadow, I give you my honest word. Starting at sudden noises and what–not.
    And no sympathy from Jeeves. That was what cut me to the quick. The man was still thoroughly pipped about the hat and tie, and simply wouldn't rally round. One morning I wanted comforting so much that I sank the pride of the Woosters and appealed to the fellow direct.
    "Jeeves," I said, "this is getting a bit thick!"
    "Sir?" Business and cold respectfulness.
    "You know what I mean. This lad seems to have chucked all the principles of a well–spent boyhood. He has got it up his nose!"
    "Yes, sir."
    "Well, I shall get blamed, don't you know. You know what my Aunt Agatha is!"
    "Yes, sir."
    "Very well, then."
    I waited a moment, but he wouldn't unbend.
    "Jeeves," I said, "haven't you any scheme up your sleeve for coping with this blighter?"
    "No, sir."
    And he shimmered off to his lair. Obstinate devil! So dashed absurd, don't you know. It wasn't as if there was anything wrong with that Country Gentleman hat. It was a remarkably priceless effort, and much admired by the lads. But, just because he preferred the Longacre, he left me flat.
    It was shortly after this that young Motty got the idea of bringing pals back in the small hours to continue the gay revels in the home. This was where I began to crack under the strain. You see, the part of town where I was living wasn't the right place for that sort of thing. I knew lots of chappies down Washington Square way who started the evening at about 2 a.m.—artists and writers and what–not, who frolicked considerably till checked by the arrival of the morning milk. That was all right. They like that sort of thing down there. The neighbours can't get to sleep unless there's someone dancing Hawaiian dances over their heads. But on Fifty–seventh Street the atmosphere wasn't right, and when Motty turned up at three in the morning with a collection of hearty lads, who only stopped singing their college song when they started singing "The Old Oaken Bucket," there was a marked peevishness among the old settlers in the flats. The management was extremely terse over the telephone at breakfast–time, and took a lot of soothing.
    The next night I came home early, after a lonely dinner at a place which I'd chosen because there didn't seem any chance of meeting Motty there. The sitting–room was quite dark, and I was just moving to switch on the light, when there was a sort of explosion and something collared hold of my trouser–leg. Living with Motty had reduced me to such an extent that I was simply unable to cope with this thing. I jumped backward with a loud yell of anguish, and tumbled out into the hall just as Jeeves came out of his den to see what the matter was.
    "Did you call, sir?"
    "Jeeves! There's something in there that grabs you by the leg!"
    "That would be Rollo, sir."
    "Eh?"
    "I would have warned you of his presence, but I did not hear you come in. His temper is a little uncertain at present, as he has not yet settled down."
    "Who the deuce is Rollo?"
    "His lordship's bull–terrier, sir. His lordship won him in a raffle, and tied him to the leg of the table. If you will allow me, sir, I will go in and switch on the light."
    There really