My Dog Doesn't Like Me

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Book: Read My Dog Doesn't Like Me for Free Online
Authors: Elizabeth Fensham
in there, I slammed the door so he couldn’t escape.
    I thought the third step of my plan was clever. I put on calming music, but with no singing. It was a CD Mum used for relaxation, one with sea and wind sounds to harp and flute music. I also gave Ugly some dog biscuits. I reckoned that if I needed food to think, Ugly probably needed food to concentrate, too. After that, I gave Ugly a brush-down with a grooming brush. He liked that, except for the bit on his tummy, near his back legs. When I brushed there, his back legs started moving. I think he was ticklish.
    As anyone can see, I did my best to make Ugly feel at home in my room.
    When Ugly was lying on my mat beside my bed, looking relaxed, I crouched down and spoke to him.
    â€˜Ugly,’ I said, ‘You must watch what I do.’
    Ugly looked at me.
    I held the pocket watch by the chain and started swinging it slowly back and forth. ‘You will love and obey me. You will love and obey me,’ I started to say.
    Ugly liked this. For a moment he was really interested. His ears pricked up straight. His eyes looked bright. He smiled. But then he did something silly.
    He snapped at the watch!
    He was trying to bite it.
    I held the watch further from his face.
    Ugly thought this was fun.
    He thumped his tail on the floor, gave a happy bark, and threw himself at the watch again. Luckily, it swung away from his mouth.
    â€˜This is not a game, Ugly,’ I said. ‘Get serious.’ I clipped his leash onto his collar and tied the other end to the doorknob, so Ugly couldn’t jump at the watch again. I pushed down on Ugly’s bum to make him sit. Then I started all over again. Back and forth with the pocket watch.
    It looked like Ugly had got the idea. His ears were up straight again, and he watched the clock swing. His shaggy head tilted left and right. He was grinning and panting.
    â€˜Love and obey me. Love and obey me,’ I said.
    Ugly yapped. Then he leapt so hard at the watch that he yanked the leash and fell backwards. Even that didn’t stop him. He got up and went for the watch again.
    â€˜You idiot!’ I screamed. I threw myself on the bed and jammed my face into the pillow. Tears leaked out of my eyes without permission.
    Ugly was barking away. He sounded glad that I was upset.
    I heard a knock on my door.
    â€˜What’s going on in there?’ It was Grandad’s voice. ‘Can I come in?’
    â€˜Okay.’
    Grandad opened the door halfway.
    Ugly swung around and started pawing Grandad’s legs.
    â€˜Why’s your dog tied to the door handle?’
    â€˜He’s not my dog. He doesn’t want to be.’
    â€˜Well, what are you doing mistreating the poor mutt?’ asked Grandad. He immediately untied Ugly, who escaped out of my room.
    What a traitor that dog was.
    â€˜Trying to hypnotise him.’
    â€˜What would a crazy coot like you want to do that for?’
    â€˜To make him like me.’ I sat up on my bed.
    Grandad spotted his pocket watch still clutched in my hand. ‘And you were using my father’s watch to do this?’
    â€˜You know about using a watch?’
    â€˜Of course I do,’ said Grandad. ‘But even if that sort of thing works, in your situation you haven’t got Buckley’s.’
    I guessed Grandad was using an idiom here, but I was too upset to ask for it to be explained. I just knew Grandad meant I had no hope of hypnotising Ugly.
    â€˜No use?’ I asked.
    â€˜The first thing you need to know about hypnosis is that the subject has to want to do the thing you’re suggesting.’
    â€˜Subject?’
    â€˜The person – or dog – you’re hypnotising. They’ll only agree to do what they want to do.’
    â€˜So because Ugly wasn’t interested in being hypnotised, it

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