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this, with—with other models, and I guarantee you they’ll be a huge success.”
    My stomach felt a bit funny, ’cause I’d never really thought of showing other people my paintings anyway. But I didn’t want to disappoint Larry. “Okay,” I said. “But I don’t know where I’ll get guys to model for me.”
    “Oh, students,” Larry said, like it was obvious. Which it probably was, to him, ’cause he’s clever. “Offer them a few pounds an hour just to sit around with their clothes off, and they’ll be on you like flies. I’ll put a notice up in the Porter’s Lodge tomorrow.” He smiled at me. “After I see someone about having this framed. You have signed it, haven’t you?”
    “I never thought of it,” I said, ’cause I hadn’t.
    “What? You’ve got to sign it! Do it now!”
    So I got my brush and I signed it, Alan Fletcher. I did it small, ’cause I didn’t want to ruin the picture or nothing.
    Larry kissed me. “We’ll hang it in the bedroom.”
    No one’s ever hung one of my pictures in their house before, ’cept my mum. I felt so proud, it was like when I brought home my first pay packet.
     
     
    We had Larry’s family round for dinner a few weeks after I moved into his flat. I didn’t think they liked me at first, but then Larry’s mum said she could see I’d concentrated on my physical education, which I thought was nice of her, though Larry didn’t smile or nothing. Larry’s mum looks just like him, all little and pretty, except she’s older, of course, and she doesn’t smile as much. Least, not when she’s looking at me. His dad’s kind of little too, but his hair’s getting thin, and he’s got a face like he’s been pissed off about stuff for so long it’s stuck that way. I’m glad Larry doesn’t look like him, ’cause how would I tell if he was really pissed off about stuff or if it was just his face?
    Larry’s sister Alicia came too. She’s younger than him and even littler, but she’s not as pretty, which must be kind of tough, her being a girl. She looks more like Larry’s dad, except she’s not been pissed off about stuff for long enough for it to stick yet. And she’s a girl, so she’s got all her own hair. She’s a lawyer. I like lawyers. I told Alicia I had a great lawyer when I got stitched up on this assault charge when I was working as a bouncer. He got me off all right. Alicia said she did mostly road traffic and family law, and anyway she didn’t do special rates for family and friends.
    We were sitting round the table eating pasta bolognaise and salad, and they started having this conversation about people I didn’t know, so I stopped listening. I started trying to work out if I could bench-press the whole of Larry’s little family, or just him and his mum and his sister, or maybe him and his dad and his sister, and it made me smile. Then I realised everyone was looking at me.
    “I just asked you, Alan, what was your opinion about the trend towards modernisation in the performance of the classics?” Larry’s dad said, with his lip curled up all funny.
    I think he thought I wouldn’t know what he meant, but I did, ’cause Larry and me had gone to see this weird Greek play only the last week where this guy pokes his eyes out ’cause he found out his wife was really his mum, and they did it in all jeans and stuff. So I just said, “I think it’s okay. I don’t think you should diss actors just ’cause they can’t afford proper costumes.”
    Then Larry laughed, but his family all looked at me like I had sauce all over my face or something. So I wiped my mouth, but it was clean anyhow. But I made sure I was extra careful eating after that, just in case.
     
     
    Larry’s mum and dad went home straight after dinner, but his sister stayed so she could have a row with Larry. They did it in the kitchen, and I was in the living room, so I couldn’t hear much. They weren’t shouting like my mum and stepdad used to, but sometimes I heard