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’cause you don’t use the whites, and then squeeze them out into a bowl. You dry them off with kitchen towels first so they don’t slip out of your fingers. I laughed a bit when I did that, ’cause they felt a lot like bollocks. I told Larry, and he thought it was funny too.
    Then we had to prick them with a pin and squeeze out the insides, and it didn’t seem so funny no more.
    We added a couple of teaspoons of water and the pigment. It was dead easy, really. I mean, we had to wear masks and stuff while we was grinding the pigments, ’cause that stuff’s nasty if you breathe it in, and measure it all out careful, but there wasn’t nothing to it, really. It’s funny what they make the pigments out of. Some of them are made out of bugs and snails and stuff, which is a bit gross, but most of it’s just posh mud.
    I had to get the panels ready to paint on first, but I did that a couple of weeks earlier while Larry was at work, ’cause it takes a few days and Larry gets bored easy. I used hardwood panels, little ones, ’cause I wanted to paint miniatures of Larry. I thought that would be funny, me painting little Larry in miniature. I didn’t say that to Larry, though. I thought he might not have got the joke.
    I used rabbit-skin glue to size the panels. I got it from the art shop. I don’t know if they use real rabbits in it. It seems kind of a shame if they do, but then it’s not like there’s a rabbit shortage, is it? And maybe they only used rabbits that would’ve died anyhow. I had to boil the glue up in a pan, and it stunk worse than my sister’s kids’ nappies. Even when they was ill. So I was glad Larry was out all day. I had all the windows open, but it still whiffed a bit, so in the evening I cooked up a curry really slow in the oven so Larry wouldn’t notice nothing.
    I primed the panels with chalk gesso, just like they would’ve done in the old days. I had to sand them down after. It made them really smooth. Like Larry’s skin. I thought about what that’d be like, painting on Larry’s skin, and I got so hard I had to jerk off ’cause I couldn’t concentrate on nothing. Then I looked stuff up on Larry’s computer. You can get all sorts of body paints. Some of them even have flavours. So I put in an order.
    I didn’t wait to ask Larry first. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind.
    When we finally got down to making the paints, Larry got kind of uptight when we was measuring out the water and stuff, ’cause he thought we had to do it exactly how the recipe said, but I knew the texture wasn’t right for what I wanted to do with it. So I just put in what I thought was right, and it worked a treat, and afterward Larry came and put his arms around me while I was painting with it.
    “You know,” he said, “you never cease to amaze me.”
    I didn’t say nothing. I thought he’d tell me what he was on about if I waited.
    “Here you are, a damning indictment of our education system, only one GCSE to your name, and you’re mixing up tempera like a modern-day Michelangelo.”
    I felt kind of hot and prickly when he said that, sort of half in a good way and half not. “I’m not Michelangelo,” I said, ’cause I know my paintings are okay, but they ain’t nothing special.
    “Mmm,” Larry said in my ear. “Michelangelo wasn’t anything like as sexy as you. Are you nearly finished there?” He put his hand inside my T-shirt and started feeling up my pecs. I wasn’t finished with the layer, but I figured it could wait a bit, ’specially when he started squeezing on my nipples.
    I put down my brushes, and I got hold of Larry and pulled him toward me. My cock was hard already, so I grabbed his hips and pressed him against it. “Oh yes!” he said, all breathy, and he shoved his hands back up my T-shirt. I yanked it off, ’cause I wanted him to suck my nipples. He’s really good at that.
    I think Larry knew what I wanted, but he made me wait. He bent his head down and kissed all round my