must pick up the slack, although the little girl who entered Mount Pleasant, shivering as she passed through the corridors of the compound, could never have imagined that sheâd come to play such a role.
How could Sara imagine it, especially when, in the matronâs darkened room, she spread her legs and discovered that her vagina would swallow up an egg that was supposed to be too big for it? When she got up afterward, she met Berthaâs glowering, shame-filled eyes. There are falls from which no one expects to recover. Happily, the world also holds the secret of bounces.
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8
Girl-Boy
Here are the facts: if Sara hadnât swallowed her tongue, she might have found the words to express her emotions. Every time Berthaâs hands touched her legs, she bit her lips. She stomped her feet. She tore at her skin. She felt as if a hand were going right through her flesh. Oh! She didnât cry out, but her eyes just filled with tears all the faster.
If Bertha had shown a little compassion here; if she had asked one or two questions; if, in short, she had opened her own ears, she certainly would have opened the floodgates of this most frantic of silences: the silence of Saraâs uncle Owona when the chiefâs men came to drag the girl away from her mother; the silence of that shadowy man who hadnât held on to his niece, but had instead used his hands to trap Saraâs motherâs, to keep her from protecting her daughter.
And what of her father?
What father? Hadnât Uncle Owona become Saraâs father after her own father died? Hadnât he inherited Saraâs widowed mother? Ah, letâs forget about this father for a moment: it would have taken just one word, one step, one moveâyes, with one simple move Bertha could have discovered the depth of Saraâs trembling silence. But all girls are liars : that was her opinion. Only a motherâs ravaged face could have understood the horror Bertha was unable to comprehend. It wouldnât have cost Bertha a thing to get to know her girls a little more, thatâs what the doyenne told me.
And yet, and yet:
âWhat did anyone really know in those days?â
There are families that offered up their youngest born to the sultan in the hopes of a reward. For whom a daughter was merely a step on the ladder of their slow ascent to power, a tree that grew in order to protect them with its generous shade. Fathers who dreamed of moving closer to the palace, whatever the cost, certainly advocated most eloquently in defense of this convoluted logic. Saraâs story, however, differed from the classic scenarios someone like Bertha could imagine among the Bamum in Foumban, for the girl was from a different ethnic groupâa different world. She was Ewondo. And the sultanâs matron, who had grown old watching over and judging the Bamum girls who were brought to her on the basis of their potential alone, would have benefited from being just a tad more curious in this specific case, from pushing a little harder on the locked gates of the girlâs whispered words, from, in short, asking questions in the past tense.
âPeople are strange, but thatâs an argument with very short legs, isnât it?â Sara said to me, shaking her head.
Because Sara went from silence to wild convulsions, the matron was forced to pay closer attention to her. Soon her eyes began to follow the girl along the corridors of the house. And often Berthaâs voice was heard calling Saraâs name through the passages. When the old woman let go of the girlâs legs on the day of the infamous egg test, Sara ran and hid, naked, in the first open room she found. Only a mother is able to cover up a shameful story under a cloak of love. And so the boy, yes the boy whom Bertha dragged from the room where Sara had disappeared would soon understand that the reason for the matronâs increasingly labored breathing was that she had suddenly,