Man From the USSR & Other Plays

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Book: Read Man From the USSR & Other Plays for Free Online
Authors: Vladimir Nabokov
suppose?
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    Not so good.... Not many Russians around—well-to-do ones, I mean; there’s no shortage of poor ones, of course. As for the Germans, they have their own pubs, their own habits. So we struggle along as best we can. At first it seemed to me that the idea of a basement tavern...
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Well, right now your tavern’s pretty empty. How much are your expenses?
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    On the high side, to be quite frank. I rent it, but you know how that goes—if I needed a basement for storage, there’d be one price, this way it’s another. And when you add on—
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    I’m asking you for an exact figure.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    One hundred twenty marks. Plus tax, and what a tax....
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
(peeking behind the blind)

And here’s the Baron!
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Where?
    Â 
    FYODOR FYODOROVICH
I can tell by his legs. Remarkable thing, legs.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    Besides, I had some bad luck with the wine. They got me to buy a batch that was supposed to be a bargain. Instead—
(Taubendorf enters. He is wearing a hat but no coat. He is thin, has a clipped mustache, and is dressed in a worn but still elegant dinner jacket. He pauses on the top step, then comes rushing down.)
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
(getting up)

Greetings, Kolya.
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    I’ll be damned—great to see you! After all these winters, all these summers. More winters than summers....
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    No, it’s only been eight months. Hello, pal, how are you?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Wait, let’s have a look at you.... Victor Ivanovich, treat him well—he’s a dear friend.
    Â 
    OSHIVENSKI
    Off we go to the wine cellar, Fyodor Fyodorovich.
(Oshivenski and Fyodor Fyodorovich go out the door on the right.)
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
(laughing)

My boss is a bit on the deaf side, but he’s a man of gold. All right, Alyosha, hurry, while we’re alone, tell me everything.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    What’s wrong with you—why all the excitement?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    I want to hear the news....Are you here for long?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Hold on a moment. I just came from the station, and first of all I want to know...
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    This is incredible! You’ve seen and done God only knows what, and God only knows what danger you’ve been in ... suddenly you reappear and, as if nothing had happened, there’s not a word out of you.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
(sitting down)

You’d probably like to see me wearing an operetta sword and gold braid. That’s not what it’s all about. Where is my wife living now?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
(standing in front of him)

Fifty-three Hegel Street, Pension Braun.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    I see. I rode over from the station to where she lived last time I was here. They didn’t know her address. Is her health all right?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
Yes, she’s fine.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    I wrote her twice. Once from Moscow and once from Saratov. Did she get my letters?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Yes, sir. The post office forwarded them.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    And how is her financial situation? Do I owe you anything?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    No, she had enough to tide her over. She lives very modestly. Alyosha, I can’t stand it any longer—tell me—how is it going?
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Right.... address, health, money.... What else was there? Oh, yes—She hasn’t gotten herself a lover, has she?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Of course not!
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Too bad.
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Besides, that’s a shocking question.... She’s such a darling, your wife. I’ll never understand how you could have left her....
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    Use your head, sweetheart, and you’ll understand. One other question: why are you wearing eyeliner?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    (laughing)

Oh, that’s makeup. Very hard to get off.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    What have you been up to today?
    Â 
    TAUBENDORF
    Extra work.
    Â 
    KUZNETSOFF
    What does that

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