Read Major Karnage for Free Online

shook her head back, as if to ask
if she wanted him to say no. The cook nodded. Darla nodded back, as
if to ask if she should say yes. The cook shook his head. While they
shook and nodded their heads, Karnage fished the crumpled wad of
Dabneybills from his waistband and held them out. “I can pay,” he
said.
    Darla looked at the money, then back at the short order cook. He
shook his head again.
    Darla broke the silence. “We can’t afford to be picky, Charlie.”
    The cook thrust a dirty hand towards Karnage. “For gawdsake,
look what he’s wearing!”
    “The sign says no shirt, no shoes, no service,” Darla said. “Doesn’t
say nothing about no straitjackets.”
    Charlie
scowled.
Darla
scowled
back.
They
traded
facial
expressions back and forth, a silent argument raging through the
air. Finally, Darla launched a particularly vicious raised eyebrow,
and Charlie crumpled.
    “He pays up front.” The cook scowled and retreated to the kitchen.
    Karnage slid into the nearest booth. Darla gave him a menu. “You
want something to drink, sweetheart?”
    “Pitcher of water,” Karnage pulled a couple bills free of his wad
and placed them on the table. “Orange juice. Salt. Sugar. Baking
powder.”
    Darla looked up from her notepad. “Baking powder?”
    Karnage nodded.
    “Okay.” Darla picked up the bills and disappeared into the kitchen.
Karnage looked over the menu. Everything on it was branded with
Dabby Tabby. Dabby Burgers. Dabby Fries. Dabby Pizza. Dabby Ice
Cream. Karnage shut his eyes. This cat was making his head throb.
    Darla returned with his drinks and a small saucer full of baking
powder. She nodded to the condiments on the table. “Salt and sugar
are right there, sweetheart.”
    Karnage dumped the orange juice and baking powder into the
pitcher. He poured in a handful of sugar and a sprinkling of salt
after it. He mixed it up and drank straight from the pitcher. He
fought the urge to gulp and took slow sips. He didn’t want to puke
it back up again.
    “That drink got a name?” Darla asked.
    Karnage wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “No.”
    “You decide what you want yet?”
    “You got anything on this menu that don’t got a cat on it?”
    Darla pointed to a peeling sticker at the base of the menu. “Well,
there’s the zardburger. I don’t recommend it, though. It’s what puts
the upchuck in Upchuck Charlie’s.”
    “Gimme two of ’em.”
    “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Darla took the menu and
disappeared into the back.
    Karnage took another swig from his pitcher and closed his eyes.
He’d done it. The desert had tried to kill him, and he’d given it the
finger. He’d made it this far, he could make it the rest of the way.
He’d find out what kind of supplies they had here before he headed
out again. Get himself a proper canteen and some desert survival
gear. Even a plastic knife was better than none at all. He had money.
He could resupply this time and do it right. Now all he had to do was
find Camp Bailey, and he was—
    An eerie static burst into Karnage’s ears. There was something
about it that caused the hairs on his neck to stand on end. Something
not quite right about it. Something downright . . .
    . . . squiggly.
    “INCOMING!” Karnage dove under the table, covering his head
with his hands, waiting for the first wave of the alien attack.
    It didn’t come.
    “Are . . . are you all right, sweetheart?”
    Karnage looked out from under the table. Darla stood beside the
radio, her finger on the knob. She turned it off. The static went
with it.
    Karnage picked himself up from under the table. “Did that sound
. . . squiggly to you?”
    “Squiggly how?”
    “Never mind.” Karnage sat back down. Darla gave a half smile
and quickly disappeared back into the kitchen. She came out just
long enough to serve Karnage his food, made a great display of
looking very busy, then disappeared back into the kitchen.
    Karnage tore off