Magic's Promise
about it, but after the deaths of the last year, you should know the facts. You become more important with each loss, Van. You were the only one available to send to replace those five casualties on the Karsite Border. You were the only one who could replace all five of them, all by yourself. That's why we couldn't relieve you, lad, or even send you one other Herald-Mage to give you a breather. We simply didn't have anyone to send. Speaking of which - “ She raised one eyebrow as she gave him such a penetrating look that Vanyel felt as if she was seeing past his clothes to count his ribs and mark each of his scars. “ - you look like hell. ”
    “ Can't anyone greet me without saying that? ” he complained. “ You, Tran, Jays - can't you tell me I'm looking seasoned? Or poetic? Or something?''
    “ Horseturds; you don't look 'seasoned,' you look like hell. You're too damned thin, your eyes are sunken, and if my Othersenses aren't fooling me, you've got no reserves - you're on your last dregs of energy. ”
    Vanyel sighed, and folded himself up at her feet, resting his back against the front of her chair and his head against her knee. That was “ home, ” and always would be - as Savil was more his mother than his birth-mother ever could be. “ It's nothing, ” he replied. “ At least nothing a little sleep won't cure. Come on, you know how you feel at the end of a tour of duty. You're still your old tactful self, Savil. ”
    “ Tact never was one of my strong traits, lad, ” she replied, and he felt her hand touch, and then begin stroking his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed; muscles began to unknot that must have been tensed up for the past year. For the first time in months there was no one depending on him, looking to him for safety. It was nice to feel sheltered and protected, instead of being the shelter and protection. There are times when I'd give anything to be a child again, and this is perilous close to one of them.
    “ I am mortally tired, Savil, ” he admitted, finally. “ I need this leave. It won't take long to rest up - but I do need the rest. You know, I didn't ask for this. I didn't want to be a Herald-Mage, I wanted to be a Bard. I sure as Havens didn't ask to be 'Vanyel Dragonsbreath,' or whatever it is they're calling me. ”
    “ Demonsbane. ”
    The increasingly shrill tone of his own voice finally penetrated his fog. “ Savil, I - am I whining? ”
    She chuckled throatily. “ You're whining, son. ”
    “ Hellfire, ” he said. “ I swear, every time I lose a little sleep, I turn fifteen. A bratty fifteen, at that. I'm amazed you put up with me. ”
    “ Darling boy, ” she said, her hand somehow stroking his headache away, “ You've earned a little whine. You're thinned out in more ways than one. ” She sighed. “ That's the one thing I regret most about the past few years - you never do or say anything anymore without thinking about it. That's good for Herald-Mage Vanyel, but I'm not entirely certain about Vanyel Ashkevron. ” There was a long silence behind him, then - “ There's no joy in you anymore, ke'chara. No joy at all. And that bothers me more than the circled eyes and thin cheeks. ”
    “ We've all endured too much the last five years to be able to afford to do things without thinking. As for joy - is there joy anywhere, anymore? We've all lost so much - so many friends gone - “
    Another long silence. “ I don't know. ”
    He cleared his throat, and changed the subject. “ I didn't feel a third here. You aren't teaching? ”
    “ Can't; don't have the stamina anymore. Not and be Guardian, too. ”
    He'd half expected that. And he half expected what quarter. “ So they made you Guardian? In whose place? ”
    “ Lancir's. Shavri can't; she tried, and she can't. The four Guardians have to be Herald-Mages. We'd hoped Healing-Gift was close enough, but she didn't pass the last trial. I think she's relieved. It's a pity; the Guardian of the East has always been

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