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own mother—which was not at all. He found her "stubborn and independent—like me." He didn't like Darcie's father, either. "He felt because he was older that he could decide what we would do, where we would go—all of that."
     Jerry was very jealous of Darcie. Fiercely jealous. She was flattered by that in the beginning, considering jealousy to be part of true love. Since she was spending all of her time with Jerry anyway and had no interest in any other man, she felt protected by his possessiveness.
     In retrospect, after all the horror had been acted out and had almost destroyed her, Darcie believes that she never really loved Jerry Brudos. In 1962, she thought she did. "While my home life was a good one, there was this feeling that 'getting married' would be much better than listening to your parents."
    Brudos recalled their betrothal more pragmatically. "I wanted someone to sleep with, and she wanted out of her home."
    He had never had intercourse with a woman when he met Darcie, despite all of his erotic fantasies. That lack was remedied soon after they began dating. Apparently Darcie found him normal sexually—or perhaps she had nothing to compare his performance to. She did not know about his background of mental illness.
    She certainly did not know of his fetishism or of his rage toward women.
    Because her parents were so adamantly opposed to Jerry, the two lovers decided that if she were to become pregnant, they would be allowed to marry. Darcie proved to be instantly fertile, and they were married within six weeks.
     Darcie was thrilled with the event. She did not consider that theirs had been a "shotgun" wedding, because she had planned the pregnancy and because she felt she had a sensitive, successful husband.
    Jerry was relieved. He had been terrified that Darcie would meet his brother and would leave him in favor of Larry. Since Larry had usurped all good things from him so far, he was sure that he would take Darcie away too.
    A daughter, Megan, was born to the couple in 1962, and the marriage seemed to be a happy one for the first three years. Jerry found jobs easily enough, although he couldn't seem to hold on to them. It was no great concern to Darcie because he could always find another. He spent a great deal of money on presents for her on holidays and anniversaries, and he continued to be kind and considerate. She was so busy with the baby that she didn't tumble to the fact that she was virtually a prisoner in her own home.
    She didn't know that when she said or did something that made her husband "depressed," he prowled and stole underwear and shoes to make himself feel better. She had not seen the flashes of temper that "scared the hell out of" people who knew him.
    Jerry's choice for their intimate behavior was her guideline too. When they were home together, they were nude. They continued to "run around the house without clothes" until Megan grew from an infant to a toddler and Darcie balked at being naked in front of the child.
     And Jerry, always an avid—if sometimes secret—photographer, insisted on taking nude pictures of Darcie. He had taken a few shots before their marriage, and more on their wedding night. She didn't feel comfortable with it, but he assured her that she was his wife and it was all right. She didn't mind the black-and-white snaps because he could develop them in his own darkroom, but she objected to color slides. They had to be processed commercially. Jerry had an answer for that, too. He explained that if he took the first and the last slides in a series of pleasant scenery or something else innocuous, nobody would ever look at them. Big labs process too much film to look at every single picture.
    "Darcie," he explained, "they look at the first or the last-and that's all."
     She relented, but she never felt good about it.
    Jerry's suggested poses were so strange. He directed the naked Darcie to ride on Megan's tricycle, toward him, away from him. Darcie's buttocks