cellphone out of my purse and gather my thoughts. I
know exactly what I want to ask and if I don’t get the answers I want, I’m
done.
I dial Barry’s number and my heart rate kicks up with every
ring of the tone.
“Hey, sexy. Whatcha up to tonight?”
Barry’s voice strokes over my ears like a lullaby. In that
moment I realize how much of my hopes I have placed on him. I wanted something
that would last forever and I put myself out there, thinking that maybe he
could be that for me. But he isn’t.
“Are you gay?” I blurt out the question and from the stunned
silence on the other end of the line, I get my answer. Barry stammers for a
moment and even though my heart is breaking, I wait for him to recover so that
he can tell me whatever lie he’s got up his sleeve to explain this away. “W-what
are you talking about? You know that I’m not.”
I roll onto my back and stare up at my ceiling. “Fine. Bi,
then. Whatever. Are you sleeping with guys and then coming back to me?”
Pregnant silence. Barry’s sweating so much I can practically
hear the droplets landing on the receiver. “I don’t know what you’re talking
about.”
“Don’t play dumb with me, Barry. I have friends at Peroig.
You should have known better; this is a small town and I work in the industry.”
“I…Fallon, I’m so sorry. Look, sometimes I get a certain
itch that can’t be scratched any other way. I’m not trying to hurt you, baby. I
just wanted to spare you the truth.”
I close my eyes, trying to make sense of what he’s saying. “Do
you like it in the ass?”
“What?” I can tell that’s not what he expected.
Did he think I would get hysterical and scream at him? What
would that solve? How would that fix the situation? It wouldn’t and I know
that. Even though it’s hard, I force myself to stay calm. To keep logical.
“I’ll repeat myself,” I say in a voice that is steady and
even. “Do you like it in the ass?”
Barry gulps so loud I have to move the phone away from my
ear. He’s never heard me talk like this. I’ve never been so bold with him and
maybe that was part of our problem. We could have worked on it, if he had
bothered to come and talk to me. But trust goes both ways and it’s obvious to
me that he doesn’t trust me.
“Babe, I…yeah. Okay? Sometimes I like it in the ass.”
I swallow back my bitter laugh. “Well, if you had come to
me, we could have done that. I’ve worn strap-ons before and if you had given me
the chance, I would have been able to make you come like that too.”
He coughs hard and even through the phone I know his face is
beet red. I shake my head at how ridiculous the situation is. Suddenly I’m a
lot less sad about the loss of Barry. Now I see him as a pathetic, small man
who couldn’t just be honest. Is being true to yourself really that scary? Maybe
for weak, insignificant people.
“Fallon, I—”
“Don’t bother.” I cut him off. “It’s bad enough that you
lied to me. That you snuck around behind my back and that you cheated on
me. I would have never forgiven you for that. But to top it all off, you’re
being fucked by guys and then coming back to me and kissing me.”
Barry starts crying. Some big, tough biker guy he is. I roll
my eyes. “Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I thought other guys
wouldn’t count.”
What a bunch of shit. If that were true he wouldn’t have
tried to cover it up. “Whatever. It’s over. We’re through. You should be
grateful that I’m not putting you on blast, but I know how devastating that can
be to a person. Just remember that, Barry, when you are doubtlessly approached
by trashy magazine representatives trying to get dirt on me.”
My threat reads loud and clear and Barry’s crying dries up
into soft sniffling. “This is why I was afraid to tell you, Fallon. You’re
cold. You used to be such a warm, sweet person. I watched you on Cheer
Battle . You used to think the best of people and now