you’ve got an icy
heart. What happened to you?”
Even though I give no indication that his words affected me,
it hurts more than I’d like to admit that he would compare me to the old
Fallon. That Fallon came before the gossip, before being used by the evil porn
industry and lied about by the corrupt mainstream media. That was before she’d
been betrayed by almost everyone she ever trusted.
“People like you happened, Barry. Goodbye.”
I hang up with a click and fight the urge to throw my phone
against the wall. Exhaustion beats at me. The kind of soul-deep sadness that
won’t go away with a hot bath and a tub of ice cream. I’m so tired of the way
this world seems to work and of not trusting anyone. I just want to be happy.
I drag myself to bed and throw myself against my silk
sheets. I don’t bother to get undressed and the supple material slides against
the fabric of my jacket. I should take it off but I can’t muster enough energy
to care.
I bury my face in one of my pillows and suddenly tears and
screams explode from my face. I muffle the sounds of my frustration and
sorrows, letting my emotions run their course.
The room is dark by the time I move again. I must have
fallen asleep there in my tear-soaked pillow. I roll over, feeling drained but
not wanting to sleep. I know what I’ll dream of. I’ll dream of a happy,
fulfilled life. A life where I can spread my wings as a successful business
woman but also get all that I need just as a woman . I’ll dream of a man
who can handle my busy schedule and my high-octane sex drive. A man who wants
me more than seems possible.
My own prince.
My mind drifts back to Johnni and Kyle. That. I want that. A
man who wants me so badly that he is ready to skip the socially accepted steps
and drown in just being with me. Who is all-in from the beginning and would do
anything, give anything, to be with me.
That’s what I deserve. I’ve been through hell trying to
establish myself in every avenue of my life. I’ve had to fight, scratch and claw
for every inch I have gained. Is it too much to ask for one aspect that is
just…stable? Perfect.
I bite my bottom lip, looking at the ornate crucifix I have
hanging above my bed. It’s a modern design, not gaudy or loud but obviously a
symbol of my faith. I believe that God is in all things and that if I wait
patiently, He will show me my course and fulfill all my needs.
The crucifix is there to remind me of that…and it does.
I roll back over on my side, forcing my breathing to even
out. I know that if I continue to work hard and have faith that I will
ultimately find the peace. I will find exactly what makes me happy, what makes
me whole. And I will make it mine because I have earned that.
I just have to be patient for a little while longer.
I drag my pillow closer to my chest after I shrug out of my
clothes. I would normally get up and fold them, but this time I decide it will
be okay if I let the maids deal with it. My eyes drift shut and I settle in for
the night. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Chapter Five
When I get back to the office, the first thing I realize is
that there are doughnuts in one of my conference rooms. I have an important
Skype call in less than ten minutes, and the huge conference table is covered
in icing and crumbs. I grit my teeth and look back over my shoulder at the
reception desk. Of course Arianna isn’t there. The phones are ringing off the
hooks and she’s probably in the bathroom smoking, something I’ve told her a
hundred times not to do.
I keep from lashing out and start to focus on a solution. I
make quick work of cleaning up the mess and prepare for the meeting by myself.
None of the notes that I need laid out are prepared. The presentation slides I
need uploaded to the screen are still not available. I scramble to get it all
done, hitting the Call button just as my alarm begins to sound.
An hour and a half later, I leave the conference room in a
great mood. Despite