Read Losing Virginity for Free Online

awkward around other people than I was, which was
totally a turn off. I never understood why.
    "Hey
Olivia!" he hailed from the van which had the school logo emblazoned on
the side. "I guess freshman year is the best time to try your luck at
buying alcohol underage while driving in the school van."
    I
grinned at him, hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. That's what the
Spanish did, right?
    Hector
blushed and fumbled a little with the gear shift as his face turned red.
    The
ride was fun. It wasn't awkward. We listened to some Belle and Sebastian, Iron
and Wine and some old Violent Femmes.
    Hector
was a nice guy. He was the sort of guy I would like to end up with. However, I
think there was something that made me not want to lose my virginity to him. He
would be one of those guys who would ask if I was comfortable, if he was
hurting me, if I was okay a hundred times during the whole process. Of course I
was uncomfortable. I’ve never done this before. Yeah, it hurts a bit. I’ve
never done this before. Yeah, I’m OKAY. For the love of Pete, I’m OKAY. That
wasn’t at all what I wanted. I wanted a guy who knew what he was doing so I
could be on automatic pilot until I learned what I was doing.   I knew that was unfair to Hector and all the
super nice guys like him.   But it was
true.
    I
wanted to lose my virginity to some guy I would never be able to have like some
cowboy coming through town just for a night or maybe a trucker on a coast to
coast shipping job   or a sailor getting
ready to ship out to Europe. I wanted to lose my virginity to a superhero that was
on his last be-all end-all mission to eradicate crime in this dirty city.
Although Hanover wasn't dirty at all. I wanted an old fashioned man’s man, you
know, the kind that walk quietly but carry a big stick. Strong
but silent. Silent but deadly… OKAY, now I’m
just being childish.
    I
knew Hector would be a great protector down the line. Eventually he would leave
college, get an amazing job, take care of his family in Juarez but that wasn't
what I wanted right at this point.
    I
wanted a man who was ready now…
    ………
    Our
conversation on the way to the store was fun. We talked about the Oscars, which
were on the night before. We talked about who should have won, who deserved it,
and who was wearing the best dress (although I did most of the talking on the
last one).
    We
stopped by the liquor store, I bought the Jameson without any problems and we
picked up the volunteers on the way back.
    It
was strange that I didn't want a man who was good for me. I wasn't even
entirely sure what 'good for me' meant, since I hadn't let anyone balance the
family checkbook other than me.
    In
high school, I was all I needed.
    Now
I wanted more. How should I change to get that?
    ………
    Hector
kissed me goodbye on the cheek, taking advantage of my earlier bribe, and drove
the volunteers to their quads. I smiled, waved him goodbye and made sure to
sashay on my way to the apartment door... I’m sure he looked... I hoped he did…
Knowing someone liked my body would give me more confidence.
    Veronica
was right. There was more to understanding sex than having sex itself.
    I
could project. I was good looking, so I thought. I had a symmetric face and
birthing hips (goddamn Anthropology and Biology for making me think this way).
Maybe I could snag the guy I wanted. I didn't necessarily need Jess’ good
looks, but I needed Jess’ confidence.
    ………
    I
walked into the bedroom to see Jess lying in her underwear on the floor.
    "Please,
put some clothes on once in a while, or else I'm going to start thinking that
you are going 'Alisha' on me," I said while kicking her gently in the
ribs.
    She
moaned.
    "I’ve
got clothes on. Underclothes! Don’t you wear them?" she joked. "Where
have you been?"
    I
pulled out the bottle of Jameson and showed her.
    "Oh, my boyfriend. You found
him!"
    She
pulled the bottle away from me and started curling up with it in a manner that
I