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a way. In the firm we call him A. N. Other. He owns a few shares in Sitra – only a few, but they hold the balance between Dreuther and Blixon. As long as he supports Dreuther, Blixon can do nothing, but if Blixon ever managed to buy the shares, I’d be sorry for the Gom. A way of speaking,’ I added. ‘Nothing could make me sorry for him now.’
    â€˜He’s only forgetful, darling.’
    â€˜Forgetfulness like that only comes when you don’t care a damn about other people. None of us has a right to forget anyone. Except ourselves. The Gom never forgets himself. Oh hell, let’s go to the Casino.’
    â€˜We can’t afford to.’
    â€˜We are so in debt we may as well.’
    That night we didn’t bet much: we stood there and watched the veterans. The young man was back in the cuisine. I saw him change a thousand francs into tokens of a hundred, and presently when he’d lost those, he went out – no coffee or rolls for him that evening. Cary said, ‘Do you think he’ll go hungry to bed?’
    â€˜We all will,’ I said, ‘if the Seagull doesn’t come.’
    I watched them playing their systems, losing a little, gaining a little, and I thought it was strange how the belief persisted – that somehow you could beat the bank. They were like theologians, patiently trying to rationalize a mystery. I suppose in all lives a moment comes when we wonder – suppose after all there is a God, suppose the theologians are right. Pascal was a gambler, who staked his money on a divine system. I thought, I am a far better mathematician than any of these – is that why I don’t believe in their mystery, and yet if this mystery exists, isn’t it possible that I might solve it where they have failed? It was almost like a prayer when I thought: it’s not for the sake of money – I don’t want a fortune – just a few days with Cary free from anxiety.
    Of all the systems round the table there was only one that really worked, and that did not depend on the so-called law of chance. A middle-aged woman with a big bird’s nest of false blonde hair and two gold teeth lingered around the most crowded table. If anybody made a coup she went up to him and touching his elbow appealed quite brazenly – so long as the croupier was looking elsewhere – for one of his 200-franc chips. Perhaps charity, like a hunched back, is considered lucky. When she received a chip she would change it for two one-hundred-franc tokens, put one in her pocket and stake the other en plein. She couldn’t lose her hundreds, and one day she stood to gain 3,500 francs. Most nights she must have left the table a thousand francs to the good from what she had in her pocket.
    â€˜Did you see her?’ Cary asked as we walked to the bar for a cup of coffee – we had given up the gins and Dubonnets. ‘Why shouldn’t I do that too?’
    â€˜We haven’t come to that.’
    â€˜I’ve made a decision,’ Cary said. ‘No more meals at the hotel.’
    â€˜Do we starve?’
    â€˜We have coffee and rolls at a café instead – or perhaps milk – its more nourishing.’
    I said sadly, ‘It’s not the honeymoon I’d intended. Bournemouth would have been better.’
    â€˜Don’t fret, darling. Everything will be all right when the Seagull comes.’
    â€˜I don’t believe in the Seagull any more.’
    â€˜Then what do we do when the fortnight’s over?’
    â€˜Go to gaol, I should think. Perhaps the prison is run by the Casino and we shall have recreation hours round a roulette wheel.’
    â€˜Couldn’t you borrow from the Other?’
    â€˜Bowles? He’s never lent without security in his life. He’s sharper than Dreuther and Blixon put together – otherwise they’d have had his shares years ago.’
    â€˜But there must be something we can do,