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sharply, “Go home to your mother,” and the croupier looked up. So I went to another table. And the man there just said, “Later. Later. On the terrace.” Darling, he thought I was a tart. And when I tried a third time – oh, it was terrible. One of those attendants who light people’s cigarettes touched me on my arm and said, “I think Mademoiselle has played enough for tonight.” Calling be Mademoiselle made it worse. I wanted to fling my marriage lines in his face, but I’d left them in the bathroom at the hotel.’
    â€˜In the bathroom?’
    â€˜Yes, in my sponge bag, darling, because for some reason I never lose my sponge bag – I’ve had it for years and years. But that’s not why I want to cry. Darling, please let’s sit down on this seat. I can’t cry walking about – it’s like eating chocolate in the open air. You get so out of breath you can’t taste the chocolate.’
    â€˜For goodness’ sake.’ I said, ‘If that’s not the worst let me know the worst. Do you realize we shall never be able to go into the Casino again – just when I’ve started on a system, a real system.’
    â€˜Oh, it’s not as bad as that, darling. The attendant gave me such a nice wink at the door. I know he won’t mind my going back – but I never want to go back, never.’
    â€˜I wish you’d tell me.’
    â€˜That nice young man saw it all.’
    â€˜What young man?’
    â€˜The hungry young man. And when I went out into the hall he followed me and said very sweetly, “Madame, I can only spare a token of one hundred francs, but it is yours.” ’
    â€˜You didn’t take it?’
    â€˜Yes – I couldn’t refuse it. He was so polite, and he was gone before I had time to thank him for it. And I changed it and used the francs in the slot machines at the entrance and I’m sorry I’m howling like this, but I simply can’t help it, he was so terribly courteous, and he must be so terribly hungry and he’s got a mind above money or he wouldn’t have lent me a hundred francs, and when I’d won five hundred I looked for him to give him half and he’d gone.’
    â€˜You won five hundred? It’ll pay for our coffee and rolls tomorrow.’
    â€˜Darling, you are so sordid. Don’t you see that for ever after he’ll think I was one of those old harpies like Bird’s Nest in there?’
    â€˜I expect he was only making a pass.’
    â€˜You are so sexual. He was doing nothing of the kind. He’s much too hungry to make a pass.’
    â€˜They say starvation sharpens the passions.’

9
    W E still had breakfast at the hotel in order to keep up appearances, but we found ourselves wilting even before the liftman. I have never liked uniforms – they remind me that there are those who command and those who are commanded – and now I was convinced that everybody in uniform knew that we couldn’t pay the bill. We always kept our key with us, so that we might never have to go to the desk, and as we had changed all our travellers’ cheques on our arrival, we didn’t even have to approach the accountant. Cary had found a small bar called the Taxi Bar at the foot of one of the great staircases, and there we invariably ate our invariable lunch and our dinner. It was years before I wanted to eat rolls again and even now I always drink tea instead of coffee. Then, on our third lunch-time, coming out of the bar we ran into the assistant receptionist from the hotel who was passing along the street. He bowed and went by, but I knew that our hour had struck.
    We sat in the gardens afterwards in the early evening sun and I worked hard on my system, for I felt as though I were working against time. I said to Cary, ‘Give me a thousand francs. I’ve got to check up.’
    â€˜But, darling,’ she said, ‘do you