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of regret, but then we still have to get on to work today, so let’s get on with it. This is most of the reason I didn’t want to do this in the first place.”
    “You don’t regret anything that happened to get you here to this point?” Chef asked.
    “Do I have to listen to this shit from you now too?” Doc asked. “All due respect to the living, the dead, and the undead that were our friends, I’m tired of this. I had to listen to lectures from people that got into this Complex early on when you, me, and Short … and Mutt too for that matter were crawling the streets throwing in with all kinds of hell and evil bastards just to survive and get a scrap. I don’t need to feel guilty and full of loss to make that right. I knew what we had here without those self-righteous blowhards shoving it down my throat every time I breathed wrong. Was I supposed to wring my hands with sorrow three times a day to show how thankful I was that they let me have a pot to piss in without having to kill someone to do it? Don’t morph into one of them. I appreciate the magnitude of our losses here without tying them around my neck and casting myself into the sea with them. We needed a lot of things from them, but we don’t need another emotion police officer. Surviving in this world comes with a preset of loss and regret.”
    “All these loose ends,” Short Order said.
    Doc turned toward him, “What’s that?”
    Chef answered, “That was on the jackets of those raiders … or something like it.”
    There was another long silence. Doc looked out over the edge of the building at the bodies below and ran his hands through his hair.
    Chef said, “Well, we said a mouthful. Let’s go check on the chickens.”
    I started to walk.
    Short Order said, “I don’t want to do this.”
    Everyone stopped and looked back. He was still standing where he had been for the funeral near the edge of the roof. I thought he was going to jump.
    “What do you want to do?” Doc asked.
    “Not this,” Short said turning away toward the barren buildings beyond the Complex.
    There were walkers wandering through the spaces in the streets below us. There always were. They were still active from all the commotion during and after the attacks. I tried not to look because I was sure some of our people were among them now.
    “If you need some time, we can … I don’t know. Take some time with it, Shaw,” Chef said.
    “We’ve had years and it hasn’t been enough,” Short Order said.
    Doc cleared his throat, “Listen, Short, we got a little worked up here. Chef and I are fine. This was a tough one, but we will make things better than they are now. We’ll get by soon enough. You’ll see.”
    Short Order turned back and said, “We’ll always get by until we don’t. I’m talking about hiding inside and … just surviving and pretending.”
    Doc said, “Well, we’re about to get in a truck and ride out to the animals, so we’re not going to be hiding soon.”
    “Do you really care about the chickens, Doc? Do we care about raising cattle to have a couple steaks every once and a while?” Short Order said.
    “What are you getting at, Shaw?” Chef asked.
    “Let’s just go,” Short Order said.
    “Go where?” Doc asked.
    “Go find somewhere else. We found here. There has to be other places like this that are still alive. We can find them and put in with them. We can help make sure they learn from these mistakes before the raiders come for them,” Short Order said. “If we can’t find anything, we can always come back here instead.”
    “There are also some pretty shitty places out there too … not to mention about a hundred million zombies, give or take. Probably give now that I think about it,” Doc said.
    “Doc,” Short Order’s teeth were gritted as he spoke without looking at us.
    I was afraid.
    Short continued. “The same way you don’t want to be lectured on how you should feel, I don’t care to be reminded about what’s out